Today, my husband is sulking because our daughter's first boyfriend is a rugby-playing giant he can’t scare away with the standard father's threat of a good beating unless he treats our daughter well. I married a real idiot manchild. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was meeting my daughter's boyfriend and I joked I’d have to show him who was boss around here (my wife, without a doubt) but as a 5”8 man I have no idea how to intimidate a 6”11, 20 year-old who looks like he was born in a gym. My wife won’t stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML
Today, our daughter has actually been dating a decent guy, compared to the usual losers, and was going to meet his parents. My wife put her foot in it by repeating over and over again how important meeting the parents is. She psyched her out so bad, she cancelled meeting his parents and dumped him. FML
Today, my daughter has been such a bridezilla that her fiancé actually dumped her. He treated her well, was handsome, and rich to boot, while still working at his career, yet she couldn’t calm down enough to see she was ruining her life. Now, after the breakup, she's moved back in with me. FML
Today, my son finally stood up to his bully and gave him a smashing that he damn well deserved. I’m desperate to tell him how proud I am, but my wife won’t let me because “we’re not raising a thug” and after 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned arguing with her is pointless. FML
Today, my wife is convinced I don't love my daughter. Why? She got her first boyfriend recently, and I was friendly with the lad, instead of doing the stupid "overprotective dad" routine. Apparently, not feeling the need to act like a dumbass sitcom character means I secretly resent my family. FML
Today, my idiot son has been getting his ass kicked nearly every day since he spread a rumor that he’d been sleeping with the most popular girl in school. Not only is she the wrestling coach’s daughter, her brothers are all massive jocks. Even though he apologized the beatings keep coming. FML
Today, my daughter came home in actual tears because a guy from college “dared”, yes “dared” to turn her down. She then went on a rant about how he “claimed to have a girlfriend” and “clearly doesn’t know how popular she is.” Clearly, I’ve raised a Mean Girl with a future as a 3-time divorcee. FML
Today, my successful, attractive daughter gave me the "Daddy I can fix him" speech about her boyfriend. He brings in no money, exclusively wears old ratty T-shirts and sweats, and always stinks of BO and cheap beer. I have failed. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Still threaten him. It's a no-win situation to fight someone smaller than you and twice your age.
Radulf 10
That's what guns are for. Of course, when my daughter brought home her first real boyfriend, my son was cleaning some guns. I am much more relaxed and just hope that she is treated right and has fun. Seems to work better than threatening the guys.
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Comments (4)
Radulf 10
That's what guns are for. Of course, when my daughter brought home her first real boyfriend, my son was cleaning some guns. I am much more relaxed and just hope that she is treated right and has fun. Seems to work better than threatening the guys.
MaleficusTheUnsung 16
Kind of a good thing, unless individual in question is a actual douche, probably just keep your eye on both males, really petty to dislike someone simply because they are strong. Or enjoy something they are good at. Likely jealousy on your husbands part, but it is justified if the person has low morals. Again shows they are at the very least a pretty decent choice if any however, if they arent scared off easily through mental/verbal means and are also decently built physically
RichardPencil 32
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Still threaten him. It's a no-win situation to fight someone smaller than you and twice your age.