Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML
Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML
Today, I was excited to try out my new blender, but when I turned it on, the lid flew off and sprayed smoothie all over my kitchen. Now I have a fruity polka dot pattern on parts of my kitchen's walls and ceiling. FML
Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
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Top comments
Catkam623 27
Hey athletes take everything in liquid form and now, so do you:)
Pleonasm 36
She is so considerate, doing the mechanical digestion part for you, so you don't have to! She is saving you time and energy!
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Comments (121)
Catkam623 27
Hey athletes take everything in liquid form and now, so do you:)
perdix 31
What they do in their private sex lives is none of our business.
brink0war 3
No they don't. Where did you get that from?
PrettyKookieToo 8
Haha, I thought this said 'Atheists' rather than 'athletes' :) I got a bit confused
Coop817 19
Bonapetite
Ashley_Radke 13
Your picture is TOO perfect with that comment.
TraceyYay 7
OP's mom probably saw the recipe on Pinterest -_-
c0c0_fml 16
Bon appétit ?
TheNewGuy03 29
Or maybe he was saying "bone a petite." Yeah.
CaptTeemo 10
What color was it?
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I'm going to guess its a gorgeous crystal white in a red plastic cup.
supportcommand 17
I'm going with a thick, lumpy primer gray. With a hint of orange swirl.
incendiaaa 23
GREEN!
Paris25_fml 11
Supportcommand is probably the closest. I have seen a blended happy meal and that was a pretty nasty grayish color.
PenguinBitch 44
Probably barf colors. Dark mushy brown with a tint of yellow with gray smeared across like a gloomy afternoon and blobs of orange chunks scattered throughout the cup like frighten rats.
buddy51 23
Probably about the same color going in as it will be coming out...
supportcommand 17
At the very least it will be the same consistency.
Pleonasm 36
She is so considerate, doing the mechanical digestion part for you, so you don't have to! She is saving you time and energy!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
This is the future people, get used to it! First it will be liquid food, then food in pill form, and soon enough we'll just plug into the recharge station and go! Can't wait 'til people finally go wireless and fuelless, life will be so much easier.
Zomg_Okay 27
But... but... but I *like* food. :(
pradip 26
Was the water frothy? I'm sure she used the blender on water too.
capslockisgood 19
If you blend water it stays the same.
peppermintpink 11
All the things OP mentioned were blended together in the cup... n the mere thought of that makes me wanna barf.... Sorry OP :$
stevenJB 25
Wouldn't mind the roast beef tho c: but seriously >.>
kingsian 15
People are starving, don't waste food.
stevenJB 25
There's plenty of food in the world it's just going to the wrong places.
Pleonasm 36
Wait, how is blending food wasting it? In fact, how can we know that as a liquid, it's not more easily comestible and therefore lends itself to less wastage?
kingsian 15
#33 I was saying if she didn't eat it, it would be a waste. I was just being an asshole by saying she's wasting food people are starving . I wouldn't ate it either.
capslockisgood 19
No one said she didn't eat it and even if she did eat it, how would that help the starving people? If she doesn't eat her food at least they have a chance of finding it.
perdix 31
What? No dessert? The dumb bitch should have thrown some chocolate cake in there! By-passing chewing makes dining faster and more efficient. Now, when she comes home with an enema kit, you may want to run and never go back!
kingsian 15
Why her/his mom got to be a "dumb bitch"? That's someone mother give a little respect
CaptTeemo 10
Some moms can be dumb bitches.
Pleonasm 36
If a person is a really dumb bitch, shoving a child out of their ****** doesn't magically cure them of it, or exempt them from such accusations.
perdix 31
#17, because we used to do "blender meal" in college as a joke because it was so disgusting and idiotic. Anyone who does it for real has to be a moron.
kingsian 15
#29 I understand that. I was just saying that "bitch" was a little harsh.
BostonBear 33
mabye thats what the pumpkin was for?
capslockisgood 19
How is it harsh if he isn't sincere?
Abantiquo 7
I'll be washing Perdix' mouth out with soap for that language and then he can go to his room and think about what he's done. (After all those sleepless nights... Ingratitude.../mutter/)
perdix 31
#69, nah, my mom always gave us nice chewy food . . . including coffee.
carry_on 19
Roast beef? Try blended beef, if you managed to eat, or I guess drink this then you deserve a medal!
stonedfishies 10
eh, gross.
13ky13 20
Thank you for your wonderful insight. You have enlightened all of our lives.
muzy 23
What's wrong with you people...