Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML
Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML
Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML
Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML
Today, I was excited to try out my new blender, but when I turned it on, the lid flew off and sprayed smoothie all over my kitchen. Now I have a fruity polka dot pattern on parts of my kitchen's walls and ceiling. FML
Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
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Top comments
Catkam623 27
Hey athletes take everything in liquid form and now, so do you:)
Pleonasm 36
She is so considerate, doing the mechanical digestion part for you, so you don't have to! She is saving you time and energy!
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Comments (121)
danielhartlesss 13
Well at least it's quick and convenient however it doesn't seem to enjoyable.
skyeyez9 25
Some people go overboard when they buy a Vitamix blender.
mireaux 7
Wow, you'll never have to chew again!
Sir_Swaggington 6
Handy.
riack 2
But will it blend? That is the question. The new Blendtec Blenders!
refticon 31
Did you know this is actually healthier and you feel sated much longer?
doodlecloud 27
So...you had beef and veg soup/broth?
raesos91 26
i love your name! "I'maboutobarf" looks the same going in & coming out!
graphicstyle7 17
Time to give Mom some blender recipe books. Also, smoothies are possible now, do them.
raesos91 26
I don't think this is one of those "smoothies" where adding a little vodka will make it taste better D:
spliit_fml 8
Well she needed a reason to use it. We all have that feeling when we get new things we just have to use it.