Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

The first day of the rest of your life (or not)

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

More responsibilities please!

Today, at my job as a supermarket manager, I had to break up a fight over a handicapped parking spot, in which an elderly man nearly got beaten over the head with a prosthetic leg. This wasn't what I expected when I was told I'd been promoted. FML

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

FREAKOUT!

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML