Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML
Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
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Top comments
slick5880 22
Can't you do both?
Brelywi 15
So bake the man some cookies, woman!
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Comments (248)
planckit 6
Sex shouldn't be a special treat
Cosmic_Horror 1
The fact that you even use the words "special treat" means you probably shouldn't be married. Old spinsters with little dogs shouldn't use that phrase, let alone married women with functional sex organs.
JesseBear1313 0
224, why cant you spell "your" right
DenisTheMenace 13
You must make some pretty good cookies.
C94_ 0
your cookies must be better than your ****....
kdn102 6
I really feel sorry for most guys out there. I completely don't understand how they let women "control" the sex in a relationship. Sex is supposed to be a shared, wonderful experience between two people. Women these days want to keep the gender boundaries in tact by pulling this shit. Way to go women! You want equality in a double standards sort of way...and you're getting just that! Keep up this shit and your position in the world will not be changing...
spankie533 8
Why would you want to do vigorous activities after doing a "very difficult yard project"?
lilsawty2 8
Well he did just work all day. You may still have energy, but he's probably ready for some cookies, milk, and a nap.
devonnettnin 7
Why the **** that's got to be a treat? Ur his damn wife
Fitzinator1995 13
cookies and milf!