Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML
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Top comments
sugarshane007 20
Wow!! Sleep on your back buddy!
Mordakai420 6
Run bro, run! The strap-ons! The horror!
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Comments (90)
abear17 4
I would say something like that hahaha that's too funny
Iniezian 18
You could make this better by teaching her how to give you a prostate massage. It's supposed to be the equivalent of the female G-spot ******.
xmaximusx 12
Lol just eat egg salad for a week that'll scare anyone off anal
hallow239 3
Run! Don't look back just run!
saksxalmo 20
Hey now, don't guys usually have to ask for anal? See, you got lucky! (Oh, and just so that everyone can be properly mentally scarred/aroused, it's called "pegging". Google it.)
DKjazz 20
I'd rather not.
saksxalmo 20
Well you're no fun.
mattrd_fml 31
Dont knock it!
rhapsodys 12
...till you try it!
Ray_of_midnight 23
I think you should take her up on it. You won't know whether it's fun unless you try. Just go slowly and use plenty of lube. If you think you've used too much lube, it's almost enough.
perdix 31
Are you sure she wasn't complimenting your "glass" and wants you to break it at your Jewish wedding? You should double-check this before running away like a frightened rabbit.
IHaveNoKoolAid 10
Day 3 of references to other fml's
IHaveNoKoolAid 10
Run! Run far away
dcats 13
I assume this is a revenge threat.