Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML
Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML
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Top comments
fifi125 21
"I found ham between some bread once"
Pyneapple 19
One time I found a stripper in my cake. So delicious; the cake was alright I guess.
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Comments (75)
cakefete2 31
Just imagine if she really did find paper in her cookie. Not a fortune, but like some random loose leaf or construction paper, and she was just too traumatized to explain correctly. Let's hope anyway.
Exaspera 55
When her IQ reaches 70 she should sell.
Isandri 29
Also, lucky her if this is the only thing she can complain about! Just enlighten her a little bit OP :D
1dvs_bstd 41
One time, I saw a dead guy in my soup. Called the waiter and got a new bowl of soup. True story.
abNormal62 23
Was it alphabet soup?
KatieKoala 19
Well she's FORTUNE-ate that she at least got a paper in her fortune cookie. One time I opened mine and there was nothing in it.
starile 20
*gasp* YOU HAVE NO FUTURE
Silk_Routes 14
what sort of paper!
_Peppermint_ 34
She must really not get out much
crackajak 15
So she's a "butter-brain"?
FitFriday 32
One time I found 20 LIVE beetles in the box of pasta that my mom bought for me.
Daelynn_17 19
That has actually happened to me too when I bought some rice from HEB. I was so grossed out I had my husband take it back. I thought I was tripping when I saw brown rice bowling on the stove in my white rice... I got a closer look in the bag to see if I had actually purchased the wrong kind of rice, and saw little brown bugs moving all through out the entire bag. Ugggh, It still creeps me OUT to this day. AND now I thoroughly vet anything I buy from the grocery store. Yuuuk.
crackajak 15
YDI for dating Snooki.