Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

Grow your own

Today, my daughter told me she never wants to see me again because I had an abortion. She wanted me to have the baby and then give it to her so she could raise it as hers. FML

Step-father, right?

Today, it's my daughter’s 18th birthday. Today is also the day that my husband told me he’s leaving me for her, and he wants a divorce. When I threatened to press charges for potentially grooming her as a minor, he told me I don’t have a leg to stand on because, “She’s been at the age of consent anyway.” FML

Evil child

Today, after my stepdaughter warned me that she’d get rid of me, she's finally successfully driven such a large wedge between me and my wife that we haven’t spoken in a month, and today she asked me for a divorce. Well played, stepdaughter, well played. FML

Romance is dead

Today, my daughter came over, furiously ranting that her husband had asked for a divorce. During the conversation, I asked what she did to make him happy. She glared at me and yelled, "It's not my job to make my husband happy!" I'm on her husband's side after that. FML

Double whammy

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

Such a pity

Today, I really tried to talk to my wife how I feel that she hates me and is with me out of pity. She denied it all but by the end of the conversation mentioned she wants a divorce. FML

Request denied

Today, I told my wife I wanted a divorce. I haven’t been in love with her for a long time and I've fallen in love with a girl at my job. When I told her this, she responded with, “No, fuck that, we're going to couples' therapy and you are gonna be a father to our kids!” I guess that’s a “No.” FML

Get over it

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML