Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML
Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML
Today, my parents went on holiday, finally, and since I’m always freezing I took the opportunity to actually turn up the temperature on the boiler. Not 30 seconds later my dad called pissed and told me either I turn it back down or he’s coming home from Spain to kick my ass. FML
Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML
Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML
Today, my mom wants to save money on both heating and electricity. Put into practice, this means that the temperature in my room is about the same as that in our fridge. FML
Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML
Today, the whole upstairs was so cold that I had to wear mittens inside. When I asked my parents why it was so cold, they replied that to save money, they had decided not to heat the upstairs, since "nobody is ever up there, anyway." My bedroom is upstairs. FML
Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML
Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML
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Top comments
Lanceeden 12
Toasters scare the shit out of me when they finish.
Rico_Mal1116 0
Well I bet you feel toasty now!
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Comments (170)
Lanceeden 12
Toasters scare the shit out of me when they finish.
Lanceeden 12
Shit* lol
Damn_Hippster 11
I hope nothing was in the toaster when you did that.
Keyman1212 14
How about when Enonymous finishes on your face? Probably isn't scary at all....
bhangu023 0
Turn your stove on max, it warms the place up quick;)
Damn_Hippster 11
OP could always set his house on fire. That'll warm the place up!
chell1894 13
No matter how much I prepare myself it always scares the shit out of me when it's done
stro88 6
When op starts helping out with the electric or gas bill I'm sure you can have at it with the thermostat.
ally_85 1
so get a job and contribute, dick
MagicallyFat 12
The only way to not be afraid of it is to put ur headphones in and close your eyes
RedSharpieInk 5
So...were your balls, like, legit frozen?
False_Stupidity 42
If it was ball freezing temp then you should have had your balls over the toaster, not your hands.. Save the most important bits first :-)
ShyAnn29 15
33, lol me too! It makes me jump every time
cuddlebunny3548 11
Omg me too! No matter how many times I tell myself it's going to pop up, I still jump.
babyfireball77 14
I swear my boyfriend is the OP
ImFrackinBored 13
It's the exact opposite here in AZ o.o
telli164 30
#59. Yeah let's all insult the OP when we know nothing of the situation, other than the fact he's cold as **** and his parents won't let him turn the heating on.. How do you know he doesn't have a job and doesn't contribute? Get outta here
RavagedSouI 0
Toast your own hands. You feel the heat effect 10 folds
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Then you'll be in the hospital where heat is just an illusion and you'll freeze your ass off
EvilPotato 15
Why would you toast your own hands?
rexgar2000 10
why couldn't she just buy a personal heater? geeze they make things so complicated.
Rico_Mal1116 0
Well I bet you feel toasty now!
No_LoveMM 3
lawl
judices 0
I see what you did there
Snookie85 19
Lol!
yourkindacool18 5
that was punny!
FlyingLazerWALRU 0
All these puns...
jasminea 0
go to a friends house.
ahawk 2
He don't have any
Epikouros 32
Erm... where do you live? New Zealand, where it's winter? Alaska? Siberia?
bxe255 9
New Zealand is in spring now. Nice try.
Alexisthebestest 16
And Alaska is not in a permanent winter.
superangryandy 2
You forgot Antarctica.
iam_yummylicious 12
Its actually in the low 30s currently in northern Minnesota.
perdix 31
Why don't you squat on the toaster and thaw out your frozen balls? If you have a toaster with wide bagel-ready slots, or tiny nuts, you can probably get your balls way down into the toaster for energy-efficient warming.
kickazz16 15
Lol, that'd be efficient :)
aardvarkish 17
Not what I recommend. Caught my pubes on fire and scorched my nads doing that.
trellz17 19
Grab a blanket or put a hoodie on. Or just cut the heat on. What are they gonna do, kick you out?
naddification 7
Another alternative would be to light a fire on the stove!
bhangu023 0
Or turn it on?
cherryllollo 7
boil some water on the stove or just sit in a hot bath then get out n bundle up!
Btreasure 8
my mom wont turn on the ac which is worse. when your cold you can layer when your hot well...theres only so much you can do
Snookie85 19
Yup, I'd rather be cold than hot
fishing12345 2
I dont even hav ac bitch
superangryandy 2
Ever drive through the Mohave with a broken heater that magically stays on? IT SUCKS ASSCHEEK.
FMLISFUNNY13 5
Theres plenty of stuff were as little cloths as possible,go to friends house