Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a letter back from the family I will be staying with as a part of an exchange program. Apparently they own a slaughterhouse type farm, and I'm expected to kill one of their animals and eat it as a gift from the family. I'm a vegan. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML
Today, I interviewed at a hospital and shadowed on the unit. Within two hours, I had been splashed with blood, and witnessed a young patient abruptly die, imprinting a horrible memory. Traumatized, and not even selected for hire. FML
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML
Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML
Today, while I was waiting for my train, a drugged out dude found it apropos to tell me women should be eaten like livestock, because they would, "probably be delicious." I'm a woman. FML
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Top comments
RememberSchlitz 9
My tribe has a proud sacred tradition of not being cannibals. Yours too? Yours? You too. Amazing. Everybody in this place is from a tribe that doesn't walk around eating other tribes. Except you, Marge.
cocacola999 27
Could also be a case of seeing how gullible the "new guy/girl" is. Or she doesn't want to train a new employee and has decided to mess with OP until OP asks for a new person to shadow.
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Comments (48)
YFOS_fml 17
I think she's messing around with you. and you fell for it!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Fast food means she had to catch you. (But hopefully she was just screwing with you. I had a friend who told people made up things if they asked annoying questions. They sucked it up every time. It's easy to believe the bizarre when you think someone is different.)
RichardPencil 32
Sounds like some cannibal-shit to me!
GhostFox 34
Clever pun there. I almost missed it. Have my somewhat grudging like because it was such a clever pun.
WillMM76 12
Shake it off.
apassword 2
If she ask you to go eat at her house you now know what to say.
da_epic_failman 7
Isn't that illegal?
claudiajean 24
Eating human meat is really bad for you actually, turns you insane. Which can't be a good thing if you're already at a cannibalism point in your life
littleed89 6
What's wrong with that???
Mortoli 30
did you ask if you could eat her?
lickytung12 6
which tribe is what I'd like to know