Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML
Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML
Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."
BugsBunny1 4
For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.
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Comments (196)
DontModMeDammit 10
That's hot!
sterlingarcher 1
haha oh boy...
uncbballwins 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP don't lie about your foot fetish. I'm guessing the real reason the toe is jammed is because she went a little too hard with the ****** between the webbings.
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
It's a boy... -_-
uncbballwins 0
Meh. It can go both ways :)
hypnotiq_trini 0
lol it'll be over before you know it.
uncbballwins 0
The pain or the pleasure?
EverybodyHatesCh 0
what will the pain or the talk or the virginity?
iAmScrubs 19
The embarrassing thing about this FML is that OP is a guy.
jasminea 0
hahahaa truee! poor guy /:
ILikeBigBoobs 2
I know the feeling. :-(
sterlingarcher 1
ahaha 90.. hilarious username
lilmissfail 0
don't judge those of us who make sex noises when we get hurt..
Cheesedays 2
They don't like it as much as u do... I think
tub944 0
lol
Takador 3
OP u moron, if that happens, ure supposed to scream: "MY TOE!!!" from the top of ur lungs
L3Paparazzo 7
Bird and bees
EverybodyHatesCh 0
what does that mean?!?!? hmmm???- (says the little boy)
EverybodyHatesCh 0
okay fine... I don't know what it means... -.-"
sunshine_today23 0
I accidentally read this at first glance as "you need to call a toe f*ck". lol lol lol.
uncbballwins 0
Google bro
travisrocker 0
the birds and the bees, the holes and the trees :)
LexusRenee 6
the birds,the bees, the holes, the trees... LOVE IT !
Crazy4Christ 0
aaahaha! birds and the bees! u must have a sexy groan
BugsBunny1 4
For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.
HitlerCat 0
I agree. :3
SunDropGirl 0
haha I get it that's awesome!
Mahomie123 0
132- drop it like it's hot drop it like it's hot ^ sorry. couldnt resist the urge. her username....
Crazy4Christ 0
why is this comment bad!? why are any of these bad!?
TXjuggalo972 6
sure you just like it hardcore ;)
natas_fml 13
"it's horrible that intelligence is frowned apon nowadays." Yep. spoken like a true juggalo.
sydneynault99 7
damn straight eh , I use that excuse all the time ;) nah just kiddddds i actually always stub my toe on my bed and I just swear instead of moaning & screaming ...
Lennsik 4
It's* upon*
livin_plur 0
Hahahaha 81 got you good
TXjuggalo972 6
yeah he sure did and yeah I put that no denying that but if u stereotype then you have no intelligence to rely on now can we get back to the FML
natas_fml 13
It's not stereotyping when every juggalo I've ever met (there's a lot) has been a pretentious idiot who thinks they're special.
TXjuggalo972 6
well im sorry for that, but it still shows that you would still judge someone for a username. And by the way, the reason I think you saw us mostly as pretentious idiots is because when you see some one like that they tend to stand out. most of the time the majority (I hope) of us who aren't walking around worshiping icp and yelling whoop whoop like a 5 year old that just found out about sex, are doing something worthwhile and productive.
MuchDance90s 0
"Pretentious" is the word people use to describe juggalos? Really? I thought it was "trailerpark". Or "deaf".
Lil_Red_Angel 0
I bet the thump of ur toe hitting the bed sounded like something else to them right? ;)
glenzhao2 16
Wow, you are the smart one here aren't you?
eeeeeeee 5
Nothing gets past you...
dakota_nikole 0
obviously
hollylollyxoxo 0
what were you thinking, stubbing your toe like that! hahaha
flickyourbic1223 7
Ewe. Just ewe.
ritbbehindu 0
fail
jbiebsislife 0
^^lmao true thatt
fatalkiss 0
My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."
sydmadhurf 6
haha ew!!
johnson94 5
I thought a stork brought me!... :O
Shadow4i5 3
we gatta a screamer lol
satanic_fml 13
and then you cried yourself to sleep imagining your parents
dreamering 16
Obviously they let you abuse the ferret to the max
slantyshanty 7
orgasims are great though! no much is more fun than an orgasim!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Orgasims. That's when you fake it, right?
dedrater_kool_u 0
LUCKY!!!
JustinBieber6 0
my parents still tell me about the stork also!
101autie 0
My parents told me I was made from true laziness!
heybowchick 0
Haha I am an adopted Chinese baby so when I was little I thought that you just went to China and picked out a baby! :D
dantback 0
hi
fieryjed 0
Haha. Nice
Docbee 11
did they Come up and tell you not to touch anything Hard? or did they give you a proper demonstration? Actions speak louder than words.
Zya_fml 8
No...just...no...
staceysgenesis16 0
yumm ... good job lolol
flickyourbic1223 7
Your comments annoy me a lot.
staceysgenesis16 0
okay ... thats nice ... you annoy me as well , now **** off and go bitch somewhere else.
rocketeer_97 1
^how about you go bitch somewhere else bitch.
staceysgenesis16 0
who the **** are you ? stupid bitch you dont even know me an your chasing me all around FML telling me that my comments are annoying. go away , your ******* pathetic.
KJLD5 0
he said it once.
rawrgle 7
someones grumpy .. :(
jess6blondie9 3
If you guys don't like her comments, don't fricken read them!
lilmissfail 0
no one says lolol anymore. your such a nub
alexfmllemon 0
maserati gransport coupe! that must have cost a bit..so jealous!
staceysgenesis16 0
120.. who are you? are you trying to join this little group to look cool? you shouldnt care what i say. you stupid bitch. now go take your phone number off your profile. its not the safest thing to do.
dirtyblond 4
I'm sorry to burst your bubble lilmissfail, but 130 DOES have a point...
jess6blondie9 3
120 - No one takes pictures with peace signs while blowing a bubble anymore either you nub. Shut up, she can say lolol if she wants to.
dirtyblond 4
Hahahah so true. Maybe she was in " hippie mode "o___O while taking the picture?..LOLOLOL
dirtyblond 4
Ohh yeeaahhh, I just did that.^^^^ :O
staceysgenesis16 0
141/142 - thank you. im glad im not the only one who finds her stupid.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I find you ALL stupid. If you don't like reading stupid comments, don't read them. If you don't want stupid comments following your stupid post, don't post a stupid comment. It's not hard. Staceysgenesis - Is there any particular reason you're quick to flip out? Go take some Midol, please.
staceysgenesis16 0
156.. yes... i "flip out" because i dont like bitches like you who think they can come and talk shit about me and my comments. its pointless. you think you sound smart when you type long comments dont you? mhmm ... shut the **** up. AHAH "go take some midol please.". go shove some midol up your ass.
butterflychic 0
Umm staceysgenesis chill out
Zya_fml 8
Stacey - First of all, that comment was longer than hers. You're stupid. You need to chill the **** out. You really need some respect, unless you're one of those slutty, bitchy hoe-bags that never change. And please, if you're going to continue to be such a stupid bitch, get the **** off this website because I'm sure most people get ******* tired and annoyed by seeing your comments. Thank you, All the FML users.