Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML
Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML
Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML
Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
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Top comments
DasHaas 9
Karma.
yoursucklives 36
why would you steal a pen?
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Comments (96)
Thr33to16 8
And now you're looking for pity. How manly of you.
wvcheesehead1 9
A gynecologist deserves whatever tbey get for the foul things the say about women's fathers... I assume that is what they mean by pap smear.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I'm not understanding the horrified look that the coworker gave. I have tons of pens with ridiculous things written on them that don't have anything to do with my race/gender/or healthcare practices that I've gotten from business expos. Those people are practically throwing pens, pencils, erasures, balloons, and coloring books at you as you walk through the aisles. What is to stop her from thinking you didn't wind up with the pen that way? or that perhaps it's a pen your girlfriend/wife handed to you? It's a pen, it's function doesn't change based on gender regardless of what's advertised on it's surface. Get over it.
felidsentry 17
I'd say that's a success on the doctor's part.
grant_connor 9
Haha. Dude you've gotta admit you kinda deserved that one.
angeluv_2014 22
Why'd he look at you so horrified?? Just because you have a pen with that on it... Why does that mean anything?
Iwillnotpress1 9
I would have smiled and said " just when you think you know someone huh"
Inked0803 12
Funniest karma ever
bladomas 2
ydi for stealing
lionqueen1400 16
Wait, so you're a male who has a female doctor? Interesting choice...