Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
I feel like its probably a chihuahua or other small breed. They tend to attack when they panic more than larger breeds. Sounds like you have some training to do either way.
Kiernan151 25
I feel like if you're dog attacks you over a pumpkin breaking over you're knee, you didn't train it very well. So I don't have sympathy because a good dog that's trained right won't attack you.
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Comments (61)
False_Stupidity 42
I used to be a good dog owner, then I took a pumpkin to the knee.
Jwaye2 7
Thank you. You made my morning
Richard6036 13
I think doggy Boot Camp is in order, because your own dog should not attack you. It makes for a very unstable situation
2ndChanceBob86 9
You have, what I like to call, a dumb dog. Get a smarter breed next time.
jonomc 12
You should probably get a new dog. Yours sounds kinda neurotic.
Shartie 16
That dog needs putting down before it attacks a child
teamkakashi 18
Oh wow...I really hope you're joking about that. Animals can be trained, you know. And animals also don't attack for no reason, either.
Shartie 16
Not joking. Whether animals can be trained or not is irrelevant - this dog is clearly not and has attacked. What if it was a child that had dropped it? And that's absolutely not true. Animals do attack for no reason sometimes - or certainly no reason a human could comprehend. Lots of adults and children are mauled and/or killed by dangerous dogs who have irresponsible owners.
KxHoneyCombxP 24
Your dog is a moron
Le_ponderer 14
Seems like you need to call the Dog Whisperer to sort out you mutt.
Levvy 22
Next, you'll wake up to find a burglar in your house, and your dog helping them stuff their bags.