Intimacy: Today, I realized that my favorite part of the day is when my... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 13/01/2017 20:14

Today, I realized that my favorite part of the day is when my boyfriend leaves really early for work. Why? because he is a giant bed hog and I can finally spread out comfortably. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 20

Back to School: Quiproquos and Notebooks
Laugh at back-to-school mishaps, with dazed students and overwhelmed teachers! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

GhostFox 33

Monday 30 January 2017 15:03

It's rather difficult to control your actions when you are asleep.

GhostFox 33

Monday 30 January 2017 15:06

Get two single-size beds. Push them together for sexy times, pull them apart for bed time. Win win, aside from the initial cost upfront. Hell, having separate rooms has been shown to be good for marriages where one partner's sleeping habits disturb the other.

Comments

CrazyJolteon 0

Thursday 19 January 2017 3:45

You tried taliiing to him?

GhostFox 33

Monday 30 January 2017 15:03

It's rather difficult to control your actions when you are asleep.

GhostFox 33

Monday 30 January 2017 15:06

Get two single-size beds. Push them together for sexy times, pull them apart for bed time. Win win, aside from the initial cost upfront. Hell, having separate rooms has been shown to be good for marriages where one partner's sleeping habits disturb the other.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Parents I need your advice Love Instagram Ghosting Social Media Weddings Kids Weird Crush Sexism Babysitter Gross Swimming pool Bodyshaming Students Teenagers Anxiety Mental health School Education Embarrassing Awkward Cleaning Family Football Sports Cheating

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 66

Random

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 453

You deserved it 2 675

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 111

You deserved it 2 282

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 166

You deserved it 2 883

Today, in a particularly crowded section of the mall, I felt someone touch my back, several times. My self-defense kicked in, I screamed to attract attention, whipped around and threw a punch. No one was there; It was my ponytail touching my back. People were staring me like I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 427

Today, it took all 3 of my kids threatening to use their saved money to move out and into a flat together to make me realise just how much of an asshole my boyfriend is, and that by any definition I’ve been in a mentally abusive relationship for years, and ignored everyone’s attempts to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 832

Today, I realized my father-in-law is basically Ron Swanson, when at a barbecue he ate some of my daughter's vegan sausages by mistake. When I told him they were vegan, he went to the bathroom, forced himself to throw them up, then sat and demolished 4 burgers, 8 sausages, and 6 chicken thighs, "LIKE A REAL MAN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 254