Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML
elissak tells us more.
Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Let his ass choke.
Googolman 29
That lobster must have been to die for!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (63)
CaptainRR 20
Shove it back down his throat. Then ask for a tip since you served him his food. Then, once he passes out, sacrifice him to the gods. I'm not very good at comments am I?
hilaria_5994 6
There should a WTF button for these type of FML's
Al3xv3l92 24
Some people are ungrateful.
ohSNAPyall 27
"Heimlich maneuver?! I was gesturing for you to pour melted butter down my throat!"
Tannasgh 22
No good deed goes unpunished...
sandwichesand69 4
You should have choked him to death