FML for mobile
Free

Open in app
FMyLife
elissak Dubuque, United States

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

elissak tells us more.

Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Top comments

Let his ass choke.

That lobster must have been to die for!

Add a comment · Reply to

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Comments (63)

Shove it back down his throat. Then ask for a tip since you served him his food. Then, once he passes out, sacrifice him to the gods. I'm not very good at comments am I?

hilaria_5994 6

There should a WTF button for these type of FML's

Some people are ungrateful.

"Heimlich maneuver?! I was gesturing for you to pour melted butter down my throat!"

No good deed goes unpunished...

sandwichesand69 4

You should have choked him to death