Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML
elissak tells us more.
Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Let his ass choke.
Googolman 29
That lobster must have been to die for!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (63)
Enslaved 38
How shellfish of you to not let him choke!
joshi42 16
Shove it back.
surranger 19
lol
Joshery 14
Fine, next time let him die
DenverTyrrell 13
Maybe he was choking for a reason...karma ?
willyjac 17
Shove it back down his damn throat then
rockyhorrorQT 12
I really don't understand how this could get YDI votes.
ARetardedSeal 24
looks like he valued lobster more than his breathing soul
ColonelCusswords 24
Hey, lobster is expensive...
hippodankamus 22
"Sure, you saved my life and all, but that was a CHOICE piece!"
elissak 12
Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!
VeganDarkLight 31
You should have definitely given the monopoly money to him! Just imagining the look on his face made me crack up. Either way, it's good that you didn't give in and hand him real money. Just don't let an idiot like that hold you back from doing nice things in the future.
Mynamewontfi 40
The nerve of some people. You should've told them it's his own fault for not choking on something less expensive.
cutelilscrafty 8
I wanna know how big of a piece it was, that it made such a huge difference.
Matheo_fml 21
What I dont understand is: he was choking on a piece of lobster not the whole thing, what is it that he could not get back? If he really was having this tandrum about a small piece of lobster you should have given him the Monopoly money. And a kick to the groin...
Allornone 35
on the plus side, if things work out, you have a great first date story...
PSYqualiac 17
"You see, kids, not every first date goes picture perfect. When your father and I went on our first date..." *cue How I Met Your Mother theme song*
XQuartzX 15
I guess he cares more about expensive food than his life.
fantasyworld 39
So his own life doesn't matter? That's a little concerning.
hey72297 11
I would have given him the Monopoly money and when he asked what it was, I would have made a big deal how he didn't get enough air to his brain and he must have brain damage to not see that it was real money
fiveforfighting 26
So is there a second date?