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FMyLife
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Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

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Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Top comments

paperfox_fml 0

#5, where do you expect her to keep it? In a locked safe behind the picture of Grandma and Grandad hanging at the top of the landing 7ft off the floor with a high-tech alarm system and a self-destruct mode if the fingerprint scanner recognises it to be the fingerprint of someone under the age of 18?

Antonio718 0

It wasn't being put into use anyways...

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Comments (357)

Calaura9 0

Who says its mom's? I thought the original poster was a man... even funnier.

the_question_mar 0

wow. you have a son and you STILL need a *****? what about your husband???

Dolphin_fml 0

#120 (miso1337): Punctuation goes inside quotation marks. So, it should have been "by the way." #71 (kahyia) was right with using "your" as a possessive, instead of "you're" (you are) like #92 (Travestie616) suggested. What type of ***** was it? Just if it was one of the realistic ones it could have been more akward. I agree with the other posters that there are a lot of children here, considering that this is not really a child-friendly site.

genius_man16 1

If i read one more person trying to be a grammar Nazi i'm going to kill a ******* baby. Seriously. Shut. The. ****. Up. All of you. We aren't writing a ******* dissertation. No one cares. It's the internet, people make typo's. Get over it and stop trying to sound smart, because you don't. All you do is just make yourselves look like a bunch of 12-year olds retards. I hope you all die in a fire. Good day.

rhombus_fml 0

Fake.

shaawty_fml 0

Gosh, stop fighting about typing, grammar, spelling and punctuation. Who the hell cares? We aren't in english class. Hide the ***** next time!

snavula 0

Lmao! I love how Travestie came in trying to be the grammar police and then got straight grammar nazi'd by miso1337. This FML actually made me laugh, and I love that it is actually a true FML And #139 when you said "typo's", since its not really showing possession of anything, it would just be 'typos'. Good day.

blessed516 0

kids are crazy! this was hilarious! I'm sorry oyu had to go through it...but it made my day! lol i remember when i was a kid i use to find my parents condoms....EVERYWHERE i didn't knwo what they were but i loved playing with them cause they always felt really cool! i would purposely go looking for them! my parents just told me they were balloons! BIG mistake!

cwp318 0

Be really careful if your kid has bunk beds. i had one with a removable ladder. i brought it with me everywhere. nothing was safe. fortunately if i ever found anything inappropriate i have blocked it out of my memory...