Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
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Top comments
HippoCampus 7
Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!
miserypoison 13
0-1 Toilet wins.
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Comments (217)
miserypoison 13
0-1 Toilet wins.
OasC82 0
Atta boy.....or girl
oboewhore_xD 6
Girls don't poop.
ant1078 7
that's what u get for making toilet babies :p
salsha 0
He's shit outta luck
BossDavyy 0
why doesn't op just use a plunger?
lionandthelamb61 9
Yeah, OP, you gotta mash them taters.
OasC82 0
you dont poop
boyslikegirls97 0
you lost 2 pounds in poop?! woah man. that's intense
22cute 17
Why do so many people insist on posting their bowel habits on FML? Is this really a topic of mass appeal? Do you realize what that says about us as a group? Read a book people, get a hobby,please. Life awaits.
Veraymix 6
Congrats on the two pounds. Have fun calling a plumber, or fixing that yourself.
HippoCampus 7
Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!
flockz 20
or tell the toilet to stop taking shit from everyone.
MrSassypants 34
12 then what would be the point of the toilet?
flockz 20
to give me a seat so i can check my FMLs in peace. Mrsassypants, sometimes your sassiness is just overwhelming. lol
MrSassypants 34
41 thank you. Also if you just sit there to read FMLs in peace then I can't help wondering where do you take a shit?
ZAE06 0
man I hope u two fight because I haven't seen a good fight in FML in a long time
HannahForbesxo 13
Just got déjà vu from #45's comment. Oh wait..
flockz 20
in your tophat.
MrSassypants 34
45 nope I don't really fight. 53 GEEZUS! Not my hat! *looks in hat* Oh my goodness! Stop lying! I just found delicious melted chocolate!
flockz 20
i poop chocolate.
MrSassypants 34
59 that's kinda what I was saying. 8) Also can you be in a video with me? I got a great idea. It involves your shit and a cup. You down? Actually I'ma stop trolling before it gets out of hand and I make someone throw up.
A7X_LoVeee 10
65- Too late.
MrSassypants 34
67 I've been meaning to ask you did you find that pic or did you make it? I f you made it then you are very awesome my good sir. I tip my hat to you! The good thing is that it full of chocolate too! 8)
A7X_LoVeee 10
Haha I found it on google. I cannot draw AT ALL. ;)
MrSassypants 34
Oh ha. Buy it doesn't look like an amazing drawing even though it is epic you may be able to draw it 8)
daAce77 8
I like how this conversation is really random.
MrSassypants 34
91 bubbles and cheese.
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
unicorns and potatoes.
ZAE06 0
hookers and closets haha
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
109 battlefield sucks :)
flockz 20
ostriches and hurricanes.
MrSassypants 34
C-c-combo breaker!!! I broke what I started tee hee 8)
ZAE06 0
battlefield is a lot better than MW if u like that game
ro3b 0
haha that's funny;D
chickunkey 0
MW prints money bitches!
Jesus_Christ69 0
C-c-c-Combo breaker?
ddeboer4 9
ceiling fans and onions
wolfeyes00 10
this is fantastic haha
iAmScrubs 19
My motto for life is "make it flush". You must do whatever you can to force those bad boys to go down whether it involves using a fire hose or calling in the Riot Squad.
ciarafox9 9
I love you??
BShady96 0
ill give this one a 5/10 since im not sure i get it...
kingnate16 0
cut it into smaller pieces and flush one piece at a time
lendalynn 5
ew.
thrashdu2002 5
you know you have clogged the toilet with ur stinky dumps. girls always act like they have never pooped.
lendalynn 5
ok ok chill.. I never said that hasn't happened to me.. no matter what it's still gross
iAmScrubs 19
Yes, excretion is the grossest thing on the planet. I mean, who does it? It's just disgusting. In my opinion, if anyone goes to the bathroom, they should receive the death penalty. That is how disgusting it is. /sarcasm.
lendalynn 5
alrighty guys... I was saying ew to the fact that the op has to deal with a clogged toilet... I'm not saying ew that he took a dump, everyone does that
A7X_LoVeee 10
What? I've never pooped in my life!
mattmadden 0
What is a "poop"? Someone please tell me because I'm extremely interested now... :/
iluvhobos 5
Yes, because a normal body function is SOO disgusting!
Thoagland94 0
I'm not sure your point is valid. You love hobos...just a little creepy
wordnerd42 0
Well I didn't fart until I was 30. -flashback- -pppt- WHAT was that? D:
MrSassypants 34
87 I like how you say you're a grammar Nazi but in your name you put "luv" and "SOO" doesn't have three o's. I am not a grammar Nazi but I don't like grammar Nazis and I especially don't like people who say they're one but aren't. I know it's spelling but grammar and spelling mix.
iluvhobos 5
146- I've had this name as a screen name for years, and the extra O's were to emphasize and draw out the word.
amerwin 3
Next time, give it a courtesy when the first log splashes. But, I don't think you can be mad about this. Two pounds? That's amazing.
tigerlilypop 7
Holy shit! (Pun intended) that's ****** huge.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Why would you include 'pun intended' ? I think we all got it. Derp.
iAmScrubs 19
Yes, a pun's credibility gets removed when someone says pun intended. The point of a pun is to make subtle wordplay yet not have to explain it. That "pun intended" has removed the credibility from, in my opinion, an amateur pun. Then there are always those jackasses who make a pun and say "no pun intended" because they feel the need to ruin everyone's fun. Or should I say everyone's pun. Okay, I'll stop now.
MrSassypants 34
63 you don't need to stop. You're a funny guy. Actually I hope you never stop.
xXJMcDowellXx 0
63 You are pretty punny.
Deeznutzhairy 7
how you get constipated?
abluekiwi 0
Google knows the answer.
HannahForbesxo 13
Constipation is just people who are full of shit.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Eat lots of bananners.
skyttlz 32
i was born with it
Mish44 3
They ate a lot of shitty food.
BobsUrAunty 2
# 85 lmfao xD
Emster689 0
I would of thought a broken toliet is the least of your problems since your health in involved :S
flockz 20
toilets are lucky. they get alot of ass but then they have to deal with everyone's shit.