Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML
Today, I rushed to my son’s house, eager to meet my new grand-baby, who his annoying wife wouldn’t let me see at the hospital. Before I could even pick the baby up, his wife started freaking out that I “smelled like cigarettes” and threw me out because it was “bad for the baby.” FML
Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
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Top comments
HahaHokayThen 10
Haha she came out of the bathroom & sees a random hobo holding her newborn.
catalystics 2
u shouldve ran off with the baby
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Comments (88)
yummycupcakegirl 0
congradulations!! :)
mickyb10 13
U spelled congratulations wrong
Kkkdawg 27
You spelled 'you' wrong.
Jexzas 0
at least she wasn't a sorry obese man.
whiterabbit420 4
why was the baby in a crate?
elmorous 0
it was just delivered
Shorty_Shaza 5
lol that would be a funny story to tell your kid when he's older!
Sorrows 5
Wow, you would think he would know his own baby from someone else's. Most newborns look somewhat alike, but there IS a difference. Ever had your eyes checked, OP?
garrettjordan 0
wow your cute :)
angels21 0
today I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, I went to use the bathroom and when I came out a strange man was holding my baby, I screamed and let out a queef and a fart at the same time. fml
JUST_STFU_N_GTFO 0
#35, and you are?
iheartglasses 0
I can understand maybe mixing up newborns, but when you go to have a baby, you turn the room into like it was some hotel. Did you not even recognize the belongings everywhere?
Sammara 0
I'm confused about why you were gone in the first place. Every new dad I know stayed in the hospital with their wives/girlfriends and newborns...
JUST_STFU_N_GTFO 0
He was in a different state when it happened? The due date is a suggestion, not the exact date you will have your labor. At least that's what I think.
fieldhockyluva24 4
there could be a lot of reasons. they have other children and he had make sure everything was okay with them. his baby's mother forgot something at home and he went to get it. the baby had health issues and it was placed in the nicu for a long period of time, making it had for him to stay at the hospital. he had work obligations that he couldn't get out of. i'm sure the list could continue.
Random_Weirdo 2
Weird... At the hospital in my city, they have a door blocking the maternity ward and pediatric ward. And you have to push a button, giving the mothers/child's name so the receptionist can let you into the ward. And then they tell you the room where she's at.