Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML
Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML
Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML
Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML
Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML
Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML
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Top comments
thereal_BA 5
probably would have been better to tell her sooner....leaving it until later in life can cause major distrust!
weveallbeenthere 30
if she knew for 5 years she obviously didn't care much or she would have come to you sooner.
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Comments (90)
larrysnowflakes 6
Why are you saying she should've told her daughter sooner? We don't know how old she is.
stargirl_95 24
The problem with that argument is this belief that finding out you're adopted is something that you need to be old enough for. It's not. Adopted children, no matter what age, will be able to handle the truth as long as it is given to them in an age appropriate way and there are plenty of resources to help parents do that. Even if OP's daughter wasn't mature enough to hear the full truth she still should have known the basics right from the beginning. There is no excuse.
amberv61 22
There is an excuse if OP just felt it wasn't the right time to tell her daughter. There is nothing that requires OP to tell her daughter. Not every person takes it poorly when they are told at an older age. Obviously her daughter saw it as no big deal so it doesn't matter if OP told her now or 10 years ago. The FML is purposely for the fact that OP wasn't the one to be able to tell her
stargirl_95 24
I completely disagree with "there is nothing that requires OP to tell her the truth". It would be incredibly selfish for any adoptive parent to not tell the child the truth. It is the child's story, not the parent's, and they have every right to it. How can a parent expect a child to tell the truth when they aren't even willing to be open and honest? When they're willing to deny their child from knowing their truth? Also, there is absolutely nothing shameful about being adopted and when you keep it a secret you imply that there is. I've seen the result of an adoption where the child found out at a later stage vs one where the child had always known and the one who had always known turned out much better. Plus, studies have repeatedly shown that it is much better to tell an adopted child from the beginning than to have a big revelation later on.
cryssycakesx3 23
it's their child so it *is* their story too. if an adopted child is just the same as a biological child (no intent to be offensive. forgive me if I am) then there is no need to to tell the child at all. also, you can't really do a study with two subjects. that's like saying one child came from a divorced home, and acts out and is rebellious, one from a married home and is perfect. it doesn't work that way.
okay17 7
#47, I'm not saying I know exactly the circumstance. But it seems like waiting to tell is more for the mother's benefit, when she is ready, than when the daughter is ready. But that is not okay. It's the daughter's origins and history, and she deserves to know them. What she does later with the information, that is her choice.
teentee401 37
My cousin found out she was adopted while arguing with her mother. Her mother accidentally blurted it out. She was 18 and on her way to college, but the emotional and psychological damage ****** her up so much she was unable to do that. Now she's married to some deadbeat and is dealing with drug problems. I wish I was making this up. Seriously, kids need to know sooner rather than later.
A_Perfect_Circle 12
She must really love you or she would of confronted you about it sooner. Don't worry op
Space_Teddy 29
she already knows for 5 years? Sounds like you should have told her sooner : /
awilliams44 9
why didn't she try and discuss it with you
worldclassrager 41
That's one way to find out...
597mph 10
How old is your daughter?
LumpLegacy 15
how upset was she.
ck2200 1
Not sure why your life sucks... I don't know why you would hide it!
alicat13 12
How long did you wait? That is kind of something you tell them when they are younger... like 6 or 7 at the latest.
tymarie2012 31
Not everybody who adopts a kid decides to tell them young. Some may choose to tell them when they're older.
jdlanam87 9
I think an adopted child always has the right to know and you shouldn't keep it from them ever. And as a parent you should keep info on there bio parents if you have it just incase they want to find them.!! It doesn't mean they love you less. For me it was mostly curiosity.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Info on the birth parents can also help medically. Not only with genetic history but if they need bone marrow or transplants, i'm guessing that would be a good thing.
Shade1982 21
It really doesn't work that way, at least not over here. IUV's are done anonymously mostly, unless you handled sperm donors personally of course. The sperm bank handles the medical side and does the history and all that.
Shade1982 21
Disregard that last comment, I was thinking of something else entirely...