Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
marcranger tells us more.
marcranger 29
Hey all, OP here! Glad to see I made some of you laugh...I wish I could say the same about my cousin, his wife, and my aunt and uncle (the proud first-time grandparents)! At least my dad, who I was staying with for this event (I live up in the mountains, but this was in Denver), laughed his ass off when everyone else was out of earshot and said he honestly felt the same way (and since I was a baby once...thanks, Dad?). Oh, well. At the very least, I think the new parents will avoid me like the plague at future gatherings, even ones specifically planned to honor the new addition (oops), and this might get my relatives to back off about when exactly I'm making my own contribution to the family line.
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Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Lolzords 11
Shouldn't be passing a baby around at a party anyway, it's not a joint
purplebabytacos1 14
Well you won't be holding that baby for a while.
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Comments (159)
MandyMeow_fml 18
I don't like holding babies either.. It's like here hold this little fragile human I made that still has tons of soft spots. And if it starts crying while your holding it you feel like a awful person.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Not to mention it's a very floppy fragile creature that you have to hold just right to avoid any injury.. I really dislike holding little babies they scare me.
skyeyez9 25
A baby is pushed thru the mom's ******, sometimes pulled with forceps, suction cup on their scalp by the doctor and this can take hours. Babies are more resilient than you think. Newborns sleep 95% of the time and weigh around 6-8lbs. They are alot easier to hold than a wiggling, booger nosed, 25 pound toddler.
Aquaman911 18
It must have resembled a potato.
ahippienamedrae 10
Ehh, close enough.
Lahariim 8
I'm such a Lemongrab when it comes to babies. You know 'Goo-goo! Put you in my oven! It's gross!' So, I see where you come from. If it was a premie, I especially understand. My cousin looked like a little pink alien when she was born.
andy594328 17
Especially offensive if the baby was a girl.
Anata_fml 10
Can't wait till you OP know/learn how to talk!
Marie54321 19
Newborns remind me of angry old men
BrettB321 15
How tf do you mess up that bad ._.
marcranger 29
There may have been alcohol involved... *whistles innocently*
worldclassrager 41
Full sized human being right?
your_ma 27
Also, what you originally intended to say, not all that polite.. "Yeah I don't want to see it or touch it again for another 1-2 years."
texaskitty86 25
I don't blame them. The first time someone offered to let me hold their baby I refused, first for fear I would drop it, and second for fear of the bodily fluids babies seems to constantly leak. I want kids eventually but I'm perfectly happy to not have them.