Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
marcranger tells us more.
marcranger 29
Hey all, OP here! Glad to see I made some of you laugh...I wish I could say the same about my cousin, his wife, and my aunt and uncle (the proud first-time grandparents)! At least my dad, who I was staying with for this event (I live up in the mountains, but this was in Denver), laughed his ass off when everyone else was out of earshot and said he honestly felt the same way (and since I was a baby once...thanks, Dad?). Oh, well. At the very least, I think the new parents will avoid me like the plague at future gatherings, even ones specifically planned to honor the new addition (oops), and this might get my relatives to back off about when exactly I'm making my own contribution to the family line.
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Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
Lolzords 11
Shouldn't be passing a baby around at a party anyway, it's not a joint
purplebabytacos1 14
Well you won't be holding that baby for a while.
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Comments (159)
allplayedout 20
LMFAO this is exactly how I feel about babies too. Keep them away until they learn how to form complete sentences.
Lexipants 21
I definitely would have said that on purpose. There's only so many times you can explain that you absolutely categorically are not in any way a baby person before you lose the last few ***** you give about not offending people.
TiedToReality 8
Well you keep calling the baby it instead of he or she. They're not an it, so I have a feeling you meant what you said.
Psychosys 16
I am so not a kid person. I'll look at a baby and say "Cute baby" but that does not mean I want to hold it! When I'm at the grocery store and I see little kids, when the parents aren't looking, I make faces at them! They usually laugh and make faces back, but a few will give me a "WTF?" look. I HATE babysitting...HATE IT! Kids have germs, they're little germ factories! Disgusting!
marcranger 29
Hmmm, FML seems to think I've commented on this more recently than the day it was posted. Since it's a slow work day so far, though, here's my follow-up to the follow-up: my cousin (the father) is still mad at me...people in my family can really hold a grudge! Everyone else seems to have forgiven me, though, and I only get teased about my baby hatred now. The teasing has replaced the "when are you going to have your own" questions, though, so I'd ultimately call my momentary loss of a filter a win!
xxreikoxx 31
Oh dear, I know the feeling of grudges being held. It's a little much to be holding a grudge over a seemingly harmless comment, though... :/
Labyrinth13 20
If he holds a grudge over that he's way to stuck in the "my baby is everything and everyone must love it" mindset. Sorry your cousin is like that. Hopefully time will help. I completely agree that's babies are potato looking for at least the first few months. They all look the same.
Lexipants 21
Psh. Filters are for losers, like your butthurt cousin. :P
worldclassrager 41
Life needs a rewind button...can I get a witness?
Amy72416 4
I have no desire to ever hold a baby and I refuse to hold anyone's kid...That cracked me up! I've never seen a cute baby in my life.
hetalia_thailand 20
I personally feel physically uncomfortable trying to hold babies at all. I didn't even want to hold my little cousin when she was six months old because she was heavy and I was afraid she'd slip out of my arms and fall on the floor. Plus, newborn babies usually look like wrinkly, gross people-raisins. Or at least my other younger cousin did when I saw him.
GeekGirl2000 13
Oh gosh OP your comments and story had me laughing like mad!
lavapasta 7
His first words might be FML, haha.