Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML
Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML
Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML
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Top comments
noobienick 19
I guess they aren't your breast friends
lex1459 38
How did you end up needing those...? Sorry about the pain, OP :(
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Comments (64)
blackonblight 33
Oh gods. I can't imagine the pain. Just reading this I winced.
UmmOkThen 31
Ouch
MrCantgetright 4
I volunteer to go around all day holding your breast still. It's a thankless job but it must be done.
oJoy 11
same! when jogging haha
SnowKitten 14
Aww hope you feel better! That sucks :(
KingOfTheLosers 7
stitches...? breast implants..?
sammehmac 1
OP here - Not breast implants. I was having a mole/area removed because it was showing signs of being skin cancer/melanoma.
MrConcise 35
I've heard of fire crotch, but never fire breast.
Damarcus 22
At least it's burritos.
ironik69 31
OP, neosporin is your friend. Slather it on as often as possible. I donate plasma twice a week and so I have these gaping holes in my arms... So, I put neosporin on three times a day. It should help it heal up a little faster. You can also try popping a vitamin e tablet and put in on the area. Breast of luck.
vikky538 29
blame it on roads of Canada...