Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML
Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML
Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML
Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML
Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML
Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML
Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML
Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML
Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML
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Top comments
brontide 0
It's your ex who should be posting here, not you.
Aelaena 6
Woo I detect some jealousy here.
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Comments (284)
drunkenatheist 0
Ew at all of the "if I were your ex's new boyfriend, I would have kicked your ass" comments. Seriously, people, don't you see the sexism there? Bullshit like defending one's honor is based on the assumption that a woman can't defend her own damn honor. If it really pissed the girl off that much, I highly doubt she wouldn't make it known, not to mention the fact that she clearly knows the OP's personality and made the conscious decision to hang out with him. If I were in the situation, all I'd be able to do is laugh hysterically and give my ex a "touche" or a "well done." And my boyfriend would join in the laughter, as well.
DizzyDemon0 9
....YES! *HIGH FIVE!!
ohsnapitsmoses 0
awesome. not a fml in any case, you're a champ
fmlfyl 1
i've done that, thats awesome, not an fml ... you showed her
jeanniner 0
haha. funny. I would have been laughing my ass off if i was your ex and you said that to me.
ditlihi 0
Oh man! Good for you. You took'em ALL down a notch.
d_fens99 0
What in the world are you doing hanging out with your ex? I stay far far away from my exes.
Ravemaster7 0
That's really funny, dude. I would have high-fived you for it. Take pride in yourself! :-P
simplyabsurd 0
That is perfect! I'm not sure it's an FML, but hey whatever. roflmfao, you get my vote!
uh_huh_sure 0
She should've responded "Yeah, but the iPhone's gonna last more than 2 minutes..."