Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML
Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML
Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML
Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML
Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML
Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML
Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML
Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML
Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML
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Top comments
brontide 0
It's your ex who should be posting here, not you.
Aelaena 6
Woo I detect some jealousy here.
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Comments (284)
C_Wicked27 0
haha I have to laugh, because that sounds like something I would say in a fit of verbal diarrhea.... oh man, I feel your pain.
Sessee 4
****. Dude, I worship you.
xolalalauren 0
that is failtasctic. its such a fail that it is almost a win. also thats a great line and will be using it in the near future!
noclevername 0
>> 5 years later and sex is still the main thing you associate with her? That could be less creepy.
EatYourSpinach 0
how is this even an FML
24788 7
Hidden jealously? Lol, at least she knows how you feel.
mcsnelly 5
YtotallyDI....i really doubt this was a *complete* accident. And how petty and narcissistic of you to think that you accomplished something by being her first.
breaksprinter_ 0
did he knock your lights out? i hope so, you're a jack ass. YDI to whatever happened.
itsgen 16
hahahah you obviously still have feelings for her and im a gurl, and a bunch of my guy friends tell me that they hate being with their EX's why were you hanging out with her AND the new BF?
Nakedsquirrel 5
******* insecure weirdo.