Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML
Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML
Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML
Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML
Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
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Top comments
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wearing a white shirt while wine tasting? You like to take chances :)
Cads1 24
Guess you should have swallowed that.
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Comments (64)
igg125 30
Hope it wasn't red wine.
tosdyke 16
You should follow some swallower's around!
CzechIsBack 15
Can happen to the best of us
theTravinator 21
OP did you know that there is a difference between swishing your wine and gargling it like it's mouthwash? I'm lost on how you managed that
garretto185 22
Hopefully you still found a wine that you liked?
Badkarma4u 17
Penn and teller did a great show on wine tasting you should check out.
blackonblight 33
I'm kinda wondering why you wore white to a wine tasting instead of black. I'd be paranoid about wearing white. Also my wardrobe is 90% black so maybe I'm biased...
llalala_fml 19
Was it also your first time ever drinking wine?
chefnoel22 11
That's totally something I would do!!
ZombieSazza 34
Swallow, don't spit, spitting is just rude. :P