Today, my son and his friends were gaming in his room when I thought I'd use a word I recently discovered online. I said, "Hey, this is all very poggers." My son sighed and said, "How do you do, fellow kids?" I got Steve Buscemi-ed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 14 year-old son got into a fight with his 15 year-old cousin. I say fight, my son just practically lamped him into orbit. When I yelled and asked why he did that, my son said, "He was mogging me." I had to get my phone out to look up what that even meant. I'm still not sure what it means. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML
Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friend's house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML
Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Avoid using kids' slang. They'll think you're a simp who is basic and can't even. Byeeee, Karen!
BatCatTaco 13
HA!!! U R my fav!! Your sarcastic remarks always make me happy.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Avoid using kids' slang. They'll think you're a simp who is basic and can't even. Byeeee, Karen!
BatCatTaco 13
HA!!! U R my fav!! Your sarcastic remarks always make me happy.
Brightside86 31
Your son sounds awesome.
TheGoldDunsparce 4
Gotta be more confident and be like, "Omg, poggies dood!!" or "That. is. pog af (and yes, say "ay eff")!" or just "Pog." when someone says something remotely positive around you