Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
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Top comments
Jaywin 3
That's when you say "Too late and I ****** your mom in high school" and continue with your presentation.
stargirl14 0
well the kid already sounds like a douchebag to me lol
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Comments (168)
ohdamn_fml 2
Man 10 year olds are mouthy mofos nowadays
nikki1001 0
Really? You guys are encouraging violence against a child for calling someone a douchebag? Wow.
hellogoodfriend 0
Man, I hate kids. Why do people like them? They're such brats, there's nothing good about them. :p
lilfR3dD 0
since when do 10 year old's know what a douchbag is?? wtf?!
lunchmeat317 0
Straight-faced, too! That is hilarious. Don't take it too seriously - I mean, he's ten. Give him fifteen years - that's when he'll realize that he followed in your footsteps.
ForestFire0 1
Your response: "Well son, you don't have to worry. You're a very unique douche bag, all your own! Now go **** yourself, you spoiled little son of a bitch. OK kids, who wants to learn how to make fried Twinkies?" By the way, fried Twinkies are awesome (in moderation)
lorrain_fml 0
throw a spatula in his eye.
Kaileigh 6
I don't even know if you deserved that or if you life is just messed up. That was funny. You should have then slapped in the face with a hot griddle plate.
Pyrzqxgl 0
What were_giraffe (#31) said. That ten-year-old, pig-eyed sack of shit was merely trying to look cool in front of his classmates. You didn't deserve that.
deplorableworld 0
Hmm. He does know that you work with very sharp knives, right?