Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
Today, it's been exactly one year since I’ve had sex, and even that was because my wife caught me masturbating and helped me out with a zero effort handjob that was over in 15 seconds, since I’d already done 90% of the work. FML
Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML
Today, I had my first sexual encounter/kiss. I’m 37, which I know is a strange age for firsts. After blowing him for a bit, he started to f**k me, then went soft. He called it "whisky dick." Then he was on his phone. It took all of 30 minutes, then I was home again. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
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Top comments
Aiden89 23
Happy Anniversary
cuz803 46
Try raising and improving your self value then put yourself out there more.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
So, when you shove the batteries up there, do they bump into the USB stick? That's hot. Go to a bar wearing a t-shirt saying: "Will do doggie style... ...with a bag on my head... ...in the dark... ...in the toilet." You'll get as much dick as you want.
Aiden89 23
Happy Anniversary
cuz803 46
Try raising and improving your self value then put yourself out there more.
Charlie Given 28
You can do it ,I took almost a 9-year hiatus from being with anybody to focus on myself and children. and only recently started dating again it didn't take much to improve myself and before I knew it I was getting all sorts of phone numbers and dates. if I can do it at 45 as a single dad with disabilities and a disabled child you can do it too. just believe in yourself.