Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "obsessed" with my new female coworker. She gave me a piece of paper with dozens of tally marks on it. What were the tally marks keeping count of? Every time I've mentioned my coworker to my girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML
Today, my girlfriend got fired from her job for arguing with her female coworker. I found out from a mutual friend that the reason they were arguing was because they were fighting over "a hot male coworker" who hooked up with the female coworker. I think I need to leave her. FML
Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML
Today, my girlfriend’s friend decided she wanted to tell her that I was flirting with other girls, just so we would break up. It worked. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML
Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Iamthebanzai22 21
She ait't wrong....
Underscore_foo 5
Dozens of tally marks? That could be an indication that you’re talking about your colleague more than your girlfriend feels comfortable with. Sometimes women feel threatened by others, there’s a reason why so would be worth sitting down with your gf and finding out why
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (6)
Underscore_foo 5
Dozens of tally marks? That could be an indication that you’re talking about your colleague more than your girlfriend feels comfortable with. Sometimes women feel threatened by others, there’s a reason why so would be worth sitting down with your gf and finding out why
Iamthebanzai22 21
She ait't wrong....
Rake 18
How did it go with the coworker? Is she the new GF?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If she managed to get dozens of new marks since she started keeping count (which probably don't include all the times you mentioned her before she started counting) it does sound like you're talking about her a lot.
FluffythePink 23
There's probably another page worth of tally marks that happened before she started to keep counts. The fact that you seem to be completely oblivious that you have subjected the poor woman to an endless diatribe about another woman says that you have the self and emotional awareness of a brick.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I mean, do you talk about all new coworkers like that, or just this one? I'd be suspicious too.