Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML
Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML
Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. After hours of trying to break the door, I found out I accidentally left a window open. The door, however, still needs to be replaced. FML
Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I managed to lock myself out of my house again. My only option was crawling through the dog door. I managed it once before, but I must've put on weight because this time I got stuck halfway. My neighbour came over to “see if everything was OK.” He then helped push me through. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
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Top comments
jlaine910 0
you should hide a spare key outside your house. on the bright side, if anyone breaks into your house, you know they won't have a good time doing it...
nonconscious 0
Your dog doesn't need to see your face to know it's you.
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Comments (63)
CallMeHush 1
Ravaged eh? Doggie style?
alphaxzero 0
bs flag waved
Nakedsquirrel 5
Bullshit.
kobold_fml 1
don't know much about dogs, do you?
gigi2009 0
your dog RAVAGED you?! loool :) how look did you spend with your nose in the thesaurus?
Ascaryrobot 0
How "look" did you spend in the dictionary?
immastarr 0
omg ur making fun of someone who used a word thats slightly longer than usual!!! haha soooo typical! u kno thesaurus is a kinda longer word too...that is, to be like you ;)
Ascaryrobot 0
No, I'm taking the piss because he mis-spelled a word you cretin.
Spaceghost77 0
More like while sitting on the couch eating twinkies, I dreamed up this FML. Sad sack.
JukeboxBunny 0
Uh, honey, dogs recognize you by scent, not by sight. Your hood wouldn't have mattered if you smelled like yourself (which you would, unless you were wearing a human flesh jacket or something).
Hellsno 0
Hahhahhaaa...a human flesh jacket.... Yup, this stinks of bullshit.
Darkon 0
Unless your dog is anosmic or was just looking for an excuse to mess you up, I do beleive this to be fake.
turdontoast 8
I gotta say, I've gotten attacked by my own dog as well. I had just tried a new perfume though. Maybe he was wearing something a new cologne or something?
catriona_cd 0
as the others have said. dogs use smell not sight, he just does not like you hahahaha