Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at work at Walmart, casually walking in the middle of the store, when my foot caught on something, so I went flying forward and yelled, being caught off guard, to the point I had to pretend I was running for 3 seconds, then someone blocked my path so I suddenly had to stop. Everyone was staring at me. FML
Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML
Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML
Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML
Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
Today, in a crowded store, I waved at someone who looked familiar. The woman frowned, looked behind her, then back at me, and said, “Do I know you?” I panicked and said, “Yes… spiritually?” She walked away faster than I’ve ever seen flee. FML
Today, I ran into my ex at the supermarket. Trying to seem nonchalant, I attempted to make small talk while pushing my cart. I didn't notice that I was steering straight into a tower of canned goods until it was too late. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
Kraths there’s no need for mass hysteria. But people are dying alone on ventilators. You get sick or one of your loved ones gets sick and I’m sure you’ll change your tune. Stay home, protect yourself when you work or shop, don’t act like a psycho when you go out for supplies, and you’ll be fine. Easy peasy. You can accept the facts of the situation and respond to it without getting hysterical. The two are not mutually exclusive. And stop drinking that “government conspiracy” Kool-aid. It’s not healthy. Literally, it’s not healthy.
Marcella1016 32
Or “social distancing gone right” depending on who’s looking at it. That was probably the woman’s plan the whole time.
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Comments (5)
Marcella1016 32
Or “social distancing gone right” depending on who’s looking at it. That was probably the woman’s plan the whole time.
RichardPencil 32
Two weeks ago, you'd be crazy, but now you are a hero.
Marcella1016 32
Kraths there’s no need for mass hysteria. But people are dying alone on ventilators. You get sick or one of your loved ones gets sick and I’m sure you’ll change your tune. Stay home, protect yourself when you work or shop, don’t act like a psycho when you go out for supplies, and you’ll be fine. Easy peasy. You can accept the facts of the situation and respond to it without getting hysterical. The two are not mutually exclusive. And stop drinking that “government conspiracy” Kool-aid. It’s not healthy. Literally, it’s not healthy.
JuliaKay14 33
There’s no government conspiracy kool aid, your advice is the same as the advice from the government, how do you not realize that?
icecreamisrad 13
Wear a mask dummy