Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
Enslaved 38
You ate BOB!!!
mara56780 1
Yummy?
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Comments (215)
Bluekaren16 19
Well you should have picked up after yourself.
Sarcastic_x 6
Right...because that's the main issue here.
winoahh 10
11 - that's what I thought.
Bluekaren16 19
Haha I did not realize how dumb that comment was. At first I thought OPs mom woke him up for leaving the mess, but the real issue is OP defecating the sponge out. Prune juice?
vocaloidtiger 12
105 - No.. That's not the main issue at all. OP didn't digest the half-sponge he ate (yet). The problem is that OP buttered and ate a sponge and left it out for his mom to see. Also, I don't think OP would have the mind to clean up after himself in his drunken state.
novakdawg 1
lol thats ****** awesome
loveit0730 7
Hope you have fun crapping out the other half of that sponge OP!
FireFighter711 6
Way to go good job n those can kill u!!!
SliceOfCake 9
...I read this comment 3 times and it still confuses me.
shamonie22 9
Way to go. Good job. Those (sponges) can kill you. Apparently the person doesn't know the use of periods.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Sponges can kill you...? Excessive amounts, I'm sure...but probably not just half of one.
yupitssoph 18
Well 112 they are the most bacteria-covered household object. I doubt OP would die, but my guess is they're gonna have some pretty bad diarrhea for a few days.
unknown_user5566 27
I know you were drunk, but how in the world did you not notice you were eating a SPONGE, and not bread? I've certainly had my fair share of drunken nights, but I've never been so intoxicated that I couldn't tell the difference between food and cleaning supplies.
tehcyberman 9
Who says being drunk had anything to do with it? Maybe he's just REALLY, REALLY, dillusional. *sarcasm*
kiwienne 21
I've had the experience where you wake up having no idea what you've done the night before. I'm pretty sure my judgement was VERY decreased >.>
lelo007 11
I guess he was intoxicated to the point he had blacked out? I've been drunk many nights, but yea, never drunk enough to eat something that isn't edible. I'm just not seeing how he chewed and swallowed it without choking.
MerrikBarbarian 9
I was wondering this too. Op must eat some really crappy bread if they can't tell it apart from a sponge is all I can think. I mean, yes I've woken up to some odd things like my underwear at the top of a tree (I still have no idea how I got it up there or why, but it never came down either)... But sponges are pretty hard to mistake for bread when just drunk.
troian_fml 6
Ydi, cause it's not your FML, it's just the translation of a french one that got published in the original FML more than a year ago. Game over, try again
s0ulslack 20
haha time to quit drinking or step it up a notch so you pass out before making it home, n00b
shamonie22 9
There's absolutely no doubt that YDI.
KingCeltic77 18
Dig in!!!
olpally 33
Oh drunken people never cease to amaze me... How are you feeling this morning op? Lol