Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML
Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML
Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML
Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML
Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. Her birthday was actually two months ago, but she decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML
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Top comments
my_fml_account 2
did he return with a knowing look?
Capnstinkfoot 0
YDI for being a dumbass, BUT, if she did blow you then take a pic, mail it 2 him w/a note that says " told ya"
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Comments (167)
ilikeboys 0
giving oral doesn't make you a ****. that's funny though. i hope he at least has a good sense of humor
deaditegirl 0
YDI. Be less of an ass.
Noah_h 0
She IS 21 so the father has to accept she is an adult. It woulda been different if she was 14 or somethin
CodeMonkey123 0
You, Sir are an idiotic ass. How dare you say such a thing about a lady. If I was that yound lady's father I would have beat the crap out of you. Have you been tought to respect people? Your parents are winners I bet they raised the perfect child. YDI
CodeMonkey123 0
To you that say giving a stranger oral doesn't make you a ****. Oh, yes it does it makes you the ***** of the town. Having sex/any thing sexual with strangers makes the man and the woman dirty ****** that will spread diseases which is quite disgusting.
SirAwesome 0
Seriously, that would be a hilarious comment to make to someone your age. But you made it to a random 50 year old guy? YDI just for that. Creepy.
xClarkGable 0
Wow, super classy indeed. Sure, not every girl who gives blow jobs is a ****, but they sure aren't classy, or respectable.
hahaha6 0
#38= win!
awuh_man 0
so not to get all incesty on here but when I first read it I thought that was her dad who said it. incest much? yes.
crazieeli 0
wow, aren't you a smart one? lol