Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML
Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 8-year-old niece. I left her for 10 minutes so I could take a shower, only to walk in on her with her dress rolled up, peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly-born ones. FML
Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML
Today, my sister-in-law recently spend the night to hangout with my 7 year-old. She kept some of her clothes in his dresser. While doing laundry and sorting out clothes that no longer fit him, I found a pair of her shit-stained underwear shoved in the back of one of the drawers. She's in her 40's and this isn't the first occurrence. FML
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Top comments
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I hope you made her clean up the mess.
hpand 5
Are you by any chance a family of Lizards?
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Comments (17)
WHSKitty4ever 23
How did it get up there? The answer “may” be obvious, but then again... *scratches head in bewilderment.*
MA_medQ 7
I’ve never understood the point of house sitting unless you have pets that require a lot of attention.
raven_of_azarath 35
Pets, plants that need watering, getting the mail, just making sure the house looks like someone’s there so no one tries to break in and rob the place.
tounces7 28
I feel like you seriously should have done more research here.
1gullible_bugger 34
while some people feel you should have done more research, I feel you probably shouldn't have left a teenager in charge of your house.