Today, at 5:30 a.m., my wife woke me to order milk for our business because she forgot to do so last night. She then chewed me out for doing it there and then, waking her up. I'm apparently useless, always complaining and in a bad mood about the most mundane things. What? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my wife is upset at me for having to remind her of her responsibilities. She dropped the ball several times in the past, and she hates that I remind her to prepare for upcoming deadlines. FML
Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML
Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Today, my wife bitched me out 3 times in a row, for things that were not even my fault: for turning my Xbox on, even though I only nudged the button accidentally with my toe; opening a beer when it was actually a Pepsi for our son, and walking loudly when I "know she has a headache," which I didn’t. FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
Sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. From what you described, she may have borderline personality disorder or something similar, so if you can get her in to see a mental health professional that’s probably best for both of you.
tounces7 28
Getting out would be an even better option. Toxic/Abusive people almost never change.
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Comments (5)
cacheson 42
Sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. From what you described, she may have borderline personality disorder or something similar, so if you can get her in to see a mental health professional that’s probably best for both of you.
tounces7 28
Getting out would be an even better option. Toxic/Abusive people almost never change.
RichardPencil 32
I'll bet she'll be really impressed that you spent the time to write an FML about it, and getting published! Surely, that will be great for your business!
rainbowdonnareed 18
She needs help. Can you set up a system where you know to order things?
mando 10
Yes, I agree, she does need help, an ordering system could solve so many issues, that way you aren't trying to guess what the rules are for products and messing up.
jc1015 25
point out she already awake if she's waking you up to make the order...make sure to yell at her for waking you up and also for being irresponsible
Malachi Malachi 4
she need mental help. you need a new partner.