Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, the guy I was seeing texted me a photo back of myself I had sent him earlier, saying I'm such a beautiful woman, suggesting that I set it as my profile pic. Too bad he doesn't think I'm pretty enough without a lot of enhancements, because he photoshopped the hell out of that thing. FML
Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Llama_Face89 34
Step 1: open mouth. Step 2: insert foot. Step 3: move pillows to the couch..
Nyx_fml 23
Hey, I'm sure a bunch of all these beautiful celebrities are plainer than us regular folks. At least when it comes to personality.
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Comments (107)
DocBastard 40
This is why I'm glad Mrs. Bastard looks exactly like Scarlett Johansson. We don't ever need to have this type of conversation.
LyzardSmith28 11
Smart man.
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. I'm looking for a Lucy Liu lookalike, myself.
OzzMonster 10
Maybe you should remind him that a divorce is also 'attainable'?
psiloveyou15 12
The poor guy probably didn't mean to offend her. He just realized that she was feeling a little self conscious and tried to make her feel better. Some guys just aren't good with words.
LyzardSmith28 11
He realised immediately after, too, what an effect his word choice had and apologised... I just thought it was funny (though I was indignant) and never let him forget it.
OzzMonster 10
42- I pray you don't actually think I was advocating divorce because a husband made a slightly off centre remark. If that were the case I would already have multiple ex-wives wouldn't I? But seeing as I only have a single ex-wife and 3 ex-husbands perhaps I was only joking? :)
sanecatlady 13
He thinks female celebrities are beautiful, glamorous, and talented? Maybe back in the 1930's and 40's, when they weren't at least 20 lbs underweight, didn't have more plastic body parts than Barbie dolls, and their faces weren't frozen by botox, and they could actually sing, dance, and act, and didn't have at least one eating disorder.
OzzMonster 10
How could you say that with beautiful women like Justin Bieber being among the celebrities of the 21st century?
RedPillSucks 33
Sad to think that Marilyn Monroe would be considered plus sized by today's standards.
limabeans101029 21
I think this is a bit of an exaggeration. There are quite a few female celebrities who ARE beautiful, glamorous and talented. Also I think it's so unfair to assume that someone has an eating disorder just because they're thin.
awkwardloveannie 28
tell him his dick is attainable?
Neesalun 20
Wow... That was so romantic :/
Kukua 5
This sounds like a no-win situation for your husband. Op: Honey, do you think she's attractive? What about her? And her? Husband: Yes they are pretty, I guess. Op: What? You don't love me at all, do you?!?! Husband: Uh...what? But I'm with you! I would never even meet those women! Op: So what you're saying is that if you did meet them, you would cheat on me with them, wouldn't you!? You hate me! You think I'm ugly and fat and are only with me cuz I'm here!! Husband: ......
LyzardSmith28 11
Accurate summary! It gets stupid quickly... The only problem I'd have is the "I'd do her if I had a chance, but I never will so you're ok." ;-)
hellox3howlow 17
Most celebrities would be as attractive as the average person without their professional hair stylists, makeup artists, and nutritionists.
sweetbliss3 37
have you ever seen celebrities without makeup? they look like real people. I suggest googling celebs without makeup. there's nothing extraordinaire about them after that.
candycyanide 8
Your name is my favorite part about this FML. Hahaha.
afroman52 12
Now make him listen to you talk about male celebrities you find attractive and say the same thing!
Golden_Rydes 3
Yes, do that! Then, after you tell him how hot all those celebs are, ask him why he's not upset. He might answer "because you're here with me, talking with me, sitting on the couch with me" or "because I love you, every part of you"