Today, I realized why my depression is so bad. No matter how hard I try, I have always been a replaceable presence in everyone's lives, and I have never felt like anyone couldn't live without me. Not even family. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my depression has reached the point where I'm not sure if I'm even living anymore. Sure, I'm very much alive and able to type this, but I feel as though I'm just existing. Taking up space. Doing nothing. I can't be alone here, right? FML
Today, I realized I don't have a family, I only have garbage people who have been sucking my time, my money, and my life from me. FML
Today, I realized that now that I've cut anyone who was toxic out my life, I now have no one. FML
Today, I was having a pretty good day, until my depression decided to ruin it. My depression sporadically "appears" every other day, and when it does, it doesn't go away for the rest of the day, so I'm doomed to spend the rest of the day feeling extremely down in the dumps, and I can't explain why. FML
Today, and every day, is a reminder of things I can't have. Simple things, like a partner who understands me or a best friend. Not the best friend title that we give away, but a real best friend. The person that you can rely on emotionally. I see abusers have whole families, but I can't get people to stay in my life. I feel alone. FML
Today, I realized that because of my past abusive relationship, I will never love anyone fully. In the back of my mind, I will always have a doubt, thinking that they don't want me or that I'm just a goal to achieve until they're ready to leave. It's to the point where I don't see a reason to try; everyone will leave and I'm OK with that. FML
Today, I realized that I could have slept all day yesterday and it would've changed nothing. I don't talk to anyone and I don't do anything. My presence or lack of presence in this world means nothing and affects nobody. FML
Today, I realized that the root of my depression is that I hate being a mom. l love my two boys but I barely function taking care of myself due to years of abuse. My 6 year-old and 8 month-old have me constantly overstimulated to the point I enjoy nothing anymore. FML
Today, I have no friends because I have severe anxiety and severe social anxiety. I thought I had family but as it turns out, my family is trying to get rid of me by sending me away. FML
Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out during a family reunion. FML
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Top comments
sirrubberduckie 37
Yeah, that's the depression talking.
Rake 18
What kind of weird measurement is that? If there are people who are happier when you are around. If you affect the world to be a brighter place. That should be enough. Even when your soul mate dies people move on and remarry.
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Comments (7)
Chewy_134 5
I am currently in the same boat.
JIMMY2CHAINZ_84 2
A friend of mine told me his therapist said to him. depression is anger turned inward. not sure if this applies to your situation. however it might be something to think about
poopface82 25
I’ve been there. It’s not a good feeling.
sirrubberduckie 37
Yeah, that's the depression talking.
Rake 18
What kind of weird measurement is that? If there are people who are happier when you are around. If you affect the world to be a brighter place. That should be enough. Even when your soul mate dies people move on and remarry.
Chazzster 32
That is definitely depression. It affects our thoughts and feelings so that it can feel like there is no way out… OP you definitely need to see a psychologist or counselor as a starting point. Your MD can recommend you to a doctor who specializes in treatment for depression. If you don’t have insurance and you cannot afford treatment there are other options. Often companies where you work have a counseling service available - Speak to HR about this not your supervisor. If you are in school, most schools have counselors. And if you are a member of a religious organization they can sometimes provide a degree of counseling… OP, this is not a hopeless situation. Many people have dealt with depression, including me. Being able to talk about it to a trained listener who is not judgmental is an important step. Following up on their guidance is the next big step. Sometimes medication is required - But counseling is often the most productive.
J_Free_Woods 29
There is DBT and CBT therapy workbooks at the library that help. DBT is dialectical behavior therapy and works on emotions, CBT is cognitive behavior therapy and works on thoughts. Depression and Major Depression (more than 3 months in a row) are not to be taken lightly and need professional help. many counties in the United States at least have a crisis line or peer support line for free until you can get insurance figured out. Please don’t go at this alone.