Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML
Today, due to an emergency, I have worked for 21 hours non stop. When I got home at 6 a.m. I fell into bed and stuck to the sheets. Only then, just as he was going to work, did my husband yell up the stairs that the sheets needed washing because he spilled his cough medicine all over the bed when he woke up. FML
Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML
Today, while my husband and I were cleaning out a closet, he went outside to throw out some trash. He was taking a long time to return and I went to make sure he was OK. He was in the living room watching TV instead of helping me. FML
Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML
Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML
Today, I came home to pizza boxes piled high, dirty laundry everywhere, and a sink full of roaches, but all I did was smoke a bowl and turn the Switch on. My boyfriend and I have let our lives fall apart ever since our state legalized weed. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML
Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML
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Top comments
Kuibe 18
I guess you can use the same excuse when he's sick now and if he objects bring up this.
gosh_mate 30
Go on strike! You shouldn't even be around food/dishes if you're still contagious.
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Comments (62)
91hayek 31
Can't even wash dishes for two people. Who put that man in charge of a project?
Mathalamus 25
He actually finished the large work project and was simply relaxing. :P
the_real_dvd 21
If he finished his project he should've been helping his girlfriend out. That's what relationships are for.
gosh_mate 30
Go on strike! You shouldn't even be around food/dishes if you're still contagious.
_Zobo_ 3
Plot twist: He's actually a cartoon animator.
beeferjay 34
does he work for a dispensary? he could have been trying a new strain and coming up with the price point
cornyrob 33
YDI for marrying a pothead.
Alexandria79 22
I had gastro and hubby left me the dishes from all of the food I couldn't eat for 3 days. Husbands :p
the_real_dvd 21
I was a husband for 16 years. I have never done that. Women who tolerate this only teach men that it's ok to act selfish.
Coland 19
Does anyone remember this episode of spongebob?
whitnayfortooh 29
spongebong hemppants?
ShleeG 23
Maybe he works for ACME and was trying to come up with a new innovative invention for Wile E. Coyote to catch the Road Runner. Or he's a shit husband... who knows.
louiswood 13
Thats the funniest shit vie ever read