Sex, Awkward Intimacy Lingo

Lingo

Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

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JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

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Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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Terrible exchange rate

I_Lossed - - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

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Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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Charming

Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

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Delayed proposal

Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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flyakite29 - 20/07/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

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Old dog, new tricks

Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

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hardcore_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:21

Why would she know what you meant? Let's go through the conversation. What did you get me for my birthday? I'm going to shoot my load on your neck/chest. Now gauge the excitement upon hearing this news and discover that you're a douche. lol.

Heidi_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:01

Um... why would she appreciate YOUR meaning as a birthday gift? Disgusting.

Solomon2010 0

Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:53

This is easily the funniest FML I've ever read.

dslax08 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:11

so did u give her the 'pearl necklace' or what?

swompgurl29 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 4:10

Ok, I am a chick, and that is just funny as F***! LOL

swompgurl29 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 4:12

Sorry, didn't see that the first message sent! But still laughing!

MajorTom85 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 3:20

Did her dad know?

o76923 8

Tuesday 19 May 2009 9:26

I think the more f***ed up part of this is that you had the idea and consider it a present. Presents are generally things that are out of the ordinary routine and more significant. That would imply that a pearl necklace is a rare (or probably never). So if its something she's never done and doesn't know anything about, why would you think its a present? But more importantly, if its something you like to do and you think she will like it, why hadn't you done it before? Did you even think about this?

drath 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 16:05

#135- maybe he has already done it with her but just didn't tell her what it was called.

nicomij 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 0:15

Lol

Dolphin_fml 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:31

At least a pearl necklace sounds like a good present, unlike a rusty trombone.

silly_kate 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 11:41

"Today, was my birthday. My boyfriend promised me a pearl necklace. We went out for dinner with my parents, I told my dad the news. Little did I know, my boyfriend wanted to squirt on my neck and face! FML!" You're a pig!