Today, my ultra-Christian neighbor called the cops on me (again). This time, it was because she could smell "weed" coming from my apartment. I was burning sage. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML
Today, I had to call the cops at 10:30 at night because of the meth smoke from my neighbor burning my nostrils, with a heavy waft of cigarette covering it up. They never smoke cigarettes, except as a less-than-average way to cover up the drugs that I can pinpoint after being at two different shelters in Denver and Boulder. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML
Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML
Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
Hopefully, after enough times, they'll either tell her to **** off, or make sure you're actually doing something police-worthy.
poopface82 25
To a fundie, that’s just as bad. She needs to be in a mental institution.
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Comments (3)
MidnaLink 35
Hopefully, after enough times, they'll either tell her to **** off, or make sure you're actually doing something police-worthy.
poopface82 25
To a fundie, that’s just as bad. She needs to be in a mental institution.
FluffythePink 23
To quote Esme Weatherwax: “Aye, cursing, my girl, and no need to look so shocked! You’ll curse, when the need comes. When you’re alone, and there’s no help to hand, and—” She hesitated and, uncomfortably aware of Esk’s questioning eyes, finished lamely: “—and people aren’t showing respect. Make it loud, make it complicated, make it long, and make it up if you have to, but it’ll work all right. Next day, when they hit their thumb or they fall off a ladder or their dog drops dead they’ll remember you. They’ll behave better next time.” People who *BELIEVE* are the easiest to get themselves carted off to a padded cell for screaming about being 'cursed by the devil worshipping neighbour'. Just a suggestion.