Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
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Top comments
Nbarbosa 0
yay, Wasaaaaaabii!!!!! (Annoying orange =D)
allmidnighteyes 11
You sure know how to spice things up.
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Comments (90)
Xxak907xX 0
that same thing happened to me like 2 weeks ago! ( not the date part ): )
sincerely331 0
Ydi for eating sushi
af117 3
hahahahahaha lol
ilove2lovemylove 10
hahaha lol
BlackSnowDrop 0
Oh dear...I'm not even that talented! Could you show me how to do that? And use the chopsticks...even though I can still use them. What's up now? Are you okay?
trumpetGIRL12345 0
I'm not gonna lie, that made my day
vietmanx 10
why do white people get so excited about being able to execute a basic maneuver that 1.5 billion other people accomplish regularly
Dilwann 27
You sound like an American, insinuating all black people can perfectly handle chopsticks. Also, using chopsticks is NOT a basic maneuver in the West. All (most) people using them frequently live in the East. You know, just to get your facts straight.
jarrettd 27
im proud how classy you were with that date
Kiirst_mt1994 26
was there a second date? ...
Sinsation 7
You obviously DIDN'T use those chopsticks as elegantly as you think you did--considering you had to have touched the wasabi with your hands at some point if it got in your eyes after rubbing them. YDI.