Today, every time I think of having any children, I remember that an idiotic neighbor let her kids paint all over my car with permanent marker, so I eventually forget about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my kids decided to draw on the walls with permanent marker, and now my house looks like a modern art exhibit. FML
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
Excellent point. However, don't let their poor parenting prevent your choice. Do let it guide you to be better than they are. Most commendable is that you are taking the choice seriously. That alone shows that you would be a better parent than the baby factory next door.
RichardPencil 32
I was thinking of climate change and nuclear war as valid excuses to not to reproduce, but you do you.
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Comments (5)
Hangryko 32
Sue the parent(s) for damages.
Thaylok 17
Excellent point. However, don't let their poor parenting prevent your choice. Do let it guide you to be better than they are. Most commendable is that you are taking the choice seriously. That alone shows that you would be a better parent than the baby factory next door.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If you still have the same neighbour you could have kids and give them paints and let them go to town on everything the neighbour owns. You should start teaching kids early about the correct methods to get revenge.
RichardPencil 32
I was thinking of climate change and nuclear war as valid excuses to not to reproduce, but you do you.
SamanthaThe1st 23
You can't blame the kids for the incompetence of the parents