Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ran into an old friend at the store with my infant daughter. As we caught up, she assured me that I could get rid of all my baby weight from the pregnancy. If only I had actually been pregnant. My wife carried her and looks fantastic. FML
Today, I told my coworker she looked great and asked if she was “glowing” because she was pregnant. She isn’t pregnant. She is, however, going through a breakup and just gained 10 pounds from comfort eating. FML
Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML
Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML
Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML
Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML
Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML
Today, I realised that my friend and I have the same cute, round belly. The problem is that she’s seven months pregnant and I’ve been on a diet with an intensive gym program since January. FML
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Top comments
MuchDance90s 0
Never assume that a woman is pregnant unless you see the baby's head coming out. It's never a safe assumption!
hellogoodbye1996 6
obese prostitute.
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Comments (141)
raeraymusic1 0
lets just assume that no one's pregnant from now on. geez ppl make mistakes. the OP's was just severe lack of timing and luck
dinapar 2
f YOUR life?! poor girl, f HER life!
enonymous 9
and by "bumped" you mean grabbed her belly and told her you felt it kick.
sterlingarcher 1
26.. lol oops I misread that.. my bad..
icecreamdriveby 5
Technically she didn't assume the girl was pregnant, since it was true, the girl WAS, she just hadn't heard the bad news yet.. fyl
MrGold 0
She has a massive turd baby I assure you that.
sterlingarcher 1
I kno I kno I just misread it jeez ..
perdix 31
Wow, I'll bet you were eating crow. That is, unless the fattie stole your crow and shoved it in her fat face like everything else she sees.
denvan 0
That's a Twix moment right there
thebestof1984 0
Haha, love it!!!!
shitbags 0
lol haha