Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML
Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in three weeks. It took half an hour, three disposable razors, and I cut my legs up so badly they look worse then they did when they were hairy. FML
Today, I bought a new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippery, and it exploded onto the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML
Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML
Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML
Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML
Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML
Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML
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Top comments
wvcheesehead 13
Ask your mother for birth control also please, for the sake of the planet.
mmazzaa 16
The times that you wasted ..... Could of went to your garden and grow so much potato and carrots
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Comments (54)
Nat3_2020 16
FIRST COMMENT?
joeyl2008 29
Bro...
AHotCupOfCoffee 28
REMEMBER 2009??
goaliestud30 23
Better luck next time
hugozac88 22
Please do ask your mom for birth control.... And ask her for the instructions too because you'll probably f that up too
anonymous100000 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP you're an idiot. when I got my first razor, I knew that there was a f ing cap on it. so it's not because it was a new thing for you, you have a disease called idioitous. I wish you good luck on your journy through life, because no one that stupid could ever make it in college or a job that requires more knowledge than opening a cash register.
buckstop1 37
Or sneezing and hitting your head on the register...
tbloom 5
@70 it's called idiocracy you idiot
pitapizzaparty 18
#70 i know an english teacher who has a master degree that has something to do with specializing in technology but she doesn't know how to use her smartphone. And an english teacher that doesnt read instructions nor knows how to spell .
countryb_cth 38
I know see why my mom told me that some people are book smart and common sense stupid.
ForeignKestrel 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Happens to the best of us OP
jerryj 27
No. The best of us don't yell "**** IT" and give up so easily after using minimal brain power. In fact, the best of us would have found a swift solution.
R2Y2 22
The best of us would feel that the razor doesn't feel sharp, and inspect it, find the plastic and remove it.
doctorhook86 25
#3: "Best of us" isn't appropriate here.
TacoTrop 10
'Rest of us'
briang959 47
At least you won't get razor burn or cut yourself.
howard007 18
Nor did she get anywhere xD
RoboCunnilingus 23
Yeah, she won't be cutting anything, actually. Good thing this is on FML though. We can use our collective sharp wit to give OP a shave.
mmazzaa 16
The times that you wasted ..... Could of went to your garden and grow so much potato and carrots
MrSassypants 34
You must have an amazing garden that can grow potatoes and carrots in twenty minutes.
mmazzaa 16
Well you see, one night I was sitting in my garden pretending I was a potato then suddenly there was a bright light blinking above my head and the voice spoke to me and granted me one wish.... Guess what my wish was;) I can now grow anything under 20 mins
zgomon 10
Can you grow tacos? Tacos are the shit.
TheTacoMan 24
I think so too, #53.
mmazzaa 16
Might have to ask my fairy god mother
christian1509 21
I have no idea where this came from, but yes ?
hugozac88 22
Lmao I'm starting to guess that her garden grew something else lol
mmazzaa 16
Yea I have some spring onions and some broccoli growing at the moment
iRambo 12
Let's go and taco about it. ;)
crushcrusher 33
atleast the next time you use it you know now that there's supposed to be a lid you need to take off.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
I'm facepalming so hard right now
howard007 18
Oh nooo its the treacherous lid, oh my old nemesis!
Mauskau 36
We've all been there, don't worry. Not with the same thing but with something similar :)
shessohighh 10
Why is this getting down voted? I'm pretty sure we have ALL done something really stupid. And given that this is the first time that OP has ever shaved, he/she must be relatively young.
chlorinegreen 27
Dirty language for someone so young.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Correct, we have all done something absolutely stupid... Just not quite as stupid as this.
shessohighh 10
#93 I've heard 5 year olds curse. Age has nothing to do with it.
chlorinegreen 27
Never said they couldn't just don't think they should
Ashwathi 21
You kind of brought that upon you man.
str1kepa1n 16
... I don't even know what to say.
clairesucks 37
Then how about not saying anything
str1kepa1n 16
Kinda ruins the point of a comment section doesn't it? Also, you might of misinterpreted my comment, I didn't know what to say to his stupidity.
toaster87 19
No I don't think she misinterpreted anything, there is no point in commenting to say you don't know what to say, as she said, then don't say anything.
buckstop1 37
toaster, read his whole comment.
BruhFML 2
i say nice ribs