Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML
Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML
Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
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Top comments
matt1234321 0
tht was smoooth
Kel_x 0
It cost you $70 to prove to your girlfriend's parents that you're a wanker. FYL.
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Comments (120)
ohgosh_noooo 0
who has white carpet anymore? or for that matter carpet at all?! bitches need to get hardwood floors
zuuzuu_fml 0
smart one dumb one
your_face 15
You could have stepped outside to pop the cork. That way you wouldn't have to worry about the cork shooting out and breaking a mirror or denting a wall or something.
littlegolferboy 4
You're thinking of champagne. Wine normally isn't carbonated so the OP just sucks at something as simple as pulling a cork out of a bottle.
fisheatsbear 6
now just find something blue and make it all patriotic like.
ZoeeC 0
Just pour white wine on it!
rockstatic 0
That's why you do it in the kitchen, dumbass.
ladiegata 0
that's not baddd ! get another gf hehe
birds_fml 7
The only way to fix this is to offer to pay for the clean up, and if it can't come clean, offer to pay for a replacement carpet. Yeah, it's going to be expensive. But it was your fault, and why should THEY have to pay to fix something someone else did in their house? Take responsibility, and make it right, and they will forgive you. Make sure you insist on paying for it, even if they say it's okay.
alexisthename 0
There's no room for logic and common sense on FML.
gabirolon 1
I though birds comment made perfect sense !
mandacakes 0
they have a book about this "how to get red wine out of white carpet" by erik bruun
blastvortex 4
Shit happens, but showing off also has its own rewards. YDI.