Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML
Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML
Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML
Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
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Top comments
matt1234321 0
tht was smoooth
Kel_x 0
It cost you $70 to prove to your girlfriend's parents that you're a wanker. FYL.
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Comments (120)
Ademus 0
This is where Billy Mays would pop up with a bottle of Oxi-Clean...if only he was still here...*sniff* R.I.P Billy *runs away sobbing*
Babushka_Homyak 10
heehee win. OP if you're invited over another time, bring some carpet cleaner.
CallMeHush 1
Smooth move Ex-Lax.
camsham86 0
You can't "pop" the cork on red wine. You "pop" the cork on champagne.
CallMeHush 1
I think the OP was going for pull the cork, unless of course your used to a nice screw top vintage, MD20/20 perhaps?
Aloira 0
If you don't do it correctly, uncorking wine will result in a popping sound, which is what he was referring to, I'm assuming. If you know how to open wine properly, it won't do that. It also won't spill all over the carpet... Oh, and btw, there are a lot of nice wines that now have a screw-top (it's actually referred to as a stelvin closure).
CallMeHush 1
I love wine snobs and Wild I.
lloydmonster 1
just bang her mom while you're at it and they are less likely to remember the wine **** up.
Miss_SD 0
ummm speechless... old enough to buy wine but dumb enough to **** up opening it. guess that's not speechless but whatever.
beer01 0
Hire a carpet cleaner or do it yourself if you know how. they'd appreciate that rather than just leaving it at that.
aardvarkish 17
I've discovered that doing something right will manage the impression rather than vice versa. After all, the Huns didn't march onto Roman land hoping to make a good "First Impression".
memsyeash 0
awesome
fyl1009 0
YDI for dating a girl whose parents have white carpet
thedivinecomeD 0
those products on commercials are like made for that same situation. if I only had a dollar I heard someone say, "oh no, looks like someone spilled wine on this carpet. Not a problem with (insert product name here)!!!!!