Today, my wife of 21 years fell asleep while we were about to have sex for the eighth time this month. Turns out she can't and won't have sex with me because she has hickies all over her tits and she'd consider it cheating on her new boyfriend, who she just met. I tried to jack off but she fell asleep on my penis, and that was that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Today, it's the 11th time in a row my wife has promised sex, then backed out. Some were good valid reasons I’ll admit, but this time we got as far as naked dry-humping when she suddenly decided she was too upset about our cat dying 8 years ago, so instead she played on her phone until she fell asleep. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
seriously, WTH? you are banging your wife twice a week or not? and she's cheating and you're okay with it? .... pass whatever it is your smoking along, I need some of that.
wrecklesswfire 3
I don’t even know how to begin to unpack this
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Comments (9)
Thaylok 17
seriously, WTH? you are banging your wife twice a week or not? and she's cheating and you're okay with it? .... pass whatever it is your smoking along, I need some of that.
Lost Reggie 22
You've had more sex this month than I've had in 15 years, you deserve it, and I hope your dick went numb.
wrecklesswfire 3
I don’t even know how to begin to unpack this
L0life29 6
what the ever living ****!?!?
Wadlaen 24
Your wife of 21 years won't have sex with you because considers it cheating on her new boyfriend!?!? I don't know if your marriage is salvageable, but you really need some serious marital counseling, and your wife needs to get more aware of her status (as a married woman with a husband)!
tiptoppc 21
Both need a smack to their heads to rattle the pea sized brain rattling around in their skull. Either end the marriage and move on, or fix your shit. Even if this is stated as an “open” marriage, i don’t know how it could even be labeled as one if these are the rules. I’m guessing cuckholding is involved but it’s only implemented begrudgingly as a rule applied to only one member of the party.
nkunzi 4
There’s a simp born everyday🤦🏾♂️
Nico97 3
red pills for my man?
JasonThorn 23
Guess the only thing left is to screw her in the divorce.
DLBL 23
Dude.