Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job, and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said, "How would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML
Today, I received an invoice for a plumber call-out. They'd watched me reconnect my own water heater because the heat pump packed up, and the lady on the phone had said no charge. So basically, 690 bucks to use their ladder, when they declined my offer to use my own. FML
Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML
Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML
Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML
Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML
Today, I live in a world where I work 50 hours a week, and yet after paying all necessary bills, eating one meal a day, and only drinking water from the tap, I am £130 pounds poorer than last week, all because I had to use my credit card and increase my debt to buy petrol and pay the gas bill. FML
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Top comments
xCrackerx 3
I'll translate for you, #2. Clearly you don't understand English. I'll try Ebonics. Today, I holla'd at my gas company to cancel my plan, cuz I'm broke as ****. I told her my baby momma was leavin' me, bouncing up outta my crib, I ain't gettin no mo' chedda from my job and I got nothin' in the bank. She was all sad for me and shit, and she said, "Yo, how you wanna pay yo damn cancellation fee?" FML.
ShaunathinShavis 0
There is more British jargon in this fml alone than I have heard in the last year
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Comments (201)
Jim90 0
What the OP meant to say was: ''I caught Grittish Bass on the old dog and bone, hoping to save a couple reddies. Told the pearl on the blower the reason was that I'd been camel humped and lost my corn on the cob. She was proper cornish pasty, and wormed an extra 32 notes out of me!'' English can be so much more difficult. So do yourself a favour and don't complain about little colloquialisms, especially when Occam's Razor is there to help you figure words out when put in context :)
Cocopops_fml 0
It's people like you that make all of us think America is retarded. I mean seriously, have you ever seen any ******* 'British' (I'm sorry, but I have to use this for the simple minded) person talk like that? FFS not even the queen talks like that. You are a disappointment to your country. And this Earth. Thank you.
Danni_04 13
Cockney rhyming slang? You legend!
riceicle1 6
This made me LOL being a Brit and all but one thing was wrong , the smallest note we have is £5 so it can't be 32 notes for obvious reasons :)
locochoca 0
I don't understand ur language?
QWERTYCommander 5
I think that was the most English FML ever.
glitchedgamer 0
it's not her fault, it's company policy.
jumble 12
WTF are all these people asking what rang, skint, and boiler cover REALLY that stupid? >_> I'm sure they've heard at one point someone saying "you rang?" on a TV show. People need to have more common sense.
thefmlman2011 37
Sigh, the joys of being British...... but yeah, that sucks, sorry OP
janeyjay 2
There are whining Yanks complaining about this and then I read an FML from Mew Mexico that states, " I've just spent 3 hours washing my hands to try and get the pony out of the soap bar". Dafuq???? And you think WE make no sense? You lot are complete spastics!
FweakofCydonia 40
I'm from Canada, and even I understood what the FML was saying....
luckylucas26 9
You brits really need to learn how to speak proper english.