Today, I found out both my parents are career criminals. My dad expects me to join the "family business" and my mom has decided that they'll "never get her alive." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my parents' entire marriage was a convoluted scheme to get them both permanently unfit to stand trial. I am genuinely scared to find out what they have planned. FML
Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML
Today, I found out that my parents are sending me to boot camp. All because I drove my sister to her abortion when they wouldn't. Not even she can stop them from doing it. FML
Today, my parents found out that I separately convinced them not to get back together, and now they're not speaking to me. FML
Today, I found out my dad is dating my dead mom's best friend. FML
Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML
Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
Today, I found out that my dad and mom, who just passed away, were never married and that my siblings and I weren't actually his. Now there's the very real possibility that we could be taken away. I'll die if that happens. FML
Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML
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Top comments
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like this could be a good action comedy! Good luck!
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are your parents Randy and Evi Quaid?
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Comments (3)
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like this could be a good action comedy! Good luck!
Chazzster 32
Birth is not the same as fate. Get the hell out of there as soon as you can before the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Are your parents Randy and Evi Quaid?